Time for a rant, be warned
Jul. 9th, 2003 04:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maderrI'm going to whine, because quite frankly these days I have nothing better to do. Just a warning, so you don't waste your time listening to a whiny, lazy btich.
Okay, let's start with honesty. Part of the reason I don't have a job is because I haven't been looking that hard. Why? Because I have always had a hard time making myself do something that I don't want to do. I wanted to go to Japan, and instead I failed horribly at it, not once but twice. My dearest friend Angela is finally on the path she wanted, Allison is doing more than fine, Gomes is going to Japan, Lucas is going to grad school in New Orleans, and Allie is going to grad school in London.
I'm at home, doing nothing. I want to go to grad school, but I'm broke. On top of that, I need work experience to make up for my not-quite-high enough gpa. There's no two ways about it, and nothing anyone can say will change the way I feel: I am a complete and utter failure. A fucking double major in East Asian Studies and History, and I'm back at home. doing nothing.
It certainly doesn't help that my parents say "you should do this, you should do that," nevermind that I know I'm not qualified and worse I have no interest. I don't have a car, so I have to walk or bike everywhere, and it's kind of impossible to appl for jobs when it's either storming outside or so hot that we're cautioned to just stay inside.
But I was fucking trying to do something today. Except that I'm stuck babysitting, and every time I try to get on the computer to type up an essay for Aeon or some such, my goddamned mother or some other part of the family decides they need to have a deep, moving conversation with me. That or my fucking father turns pyscho patronizing-apparently he's "so proud of me" but still judges me too incompetent to so much as find a fucking webpage without his standing behind me going "now click on that button." Urge to kill rising...
All I want is a temporary job to get me money and experience for grad school, or a way to go to Japan.
I hate my life, I fucking hate it.
Okay, let's start with honesty. Part of the reason I don't have a job is because I haven't been looking that hard. Why? Because I have always had a hard time making myself do something that I don't want to do. I wanted to go to Japan, and instead I failed horribly at it, not once but twice. My dearest friend Angela is finally on the path she wanted, Allison is doing more than fine, Gomes is going to Japan, Lucas is going to grad school in New Orleans, and Allie is going to grad school in London.
I'm at home, doing nothing. I want to go to grad school, but I'm broke. On top of that, I need work experience to make up for my not-quite-high enough gpa. There's no two ways about it, and nothing anyone can say will change the way I feel: I am a complete and utter failure. A fucking double major in East Asian Studies and History, and I'm back at home. doing nothing.
It certainly doesn't help that my parents say "you should do this, you should do that," nevermind that I know I'm not qualified and worse I have no interest. I don't have a car, so I have to walk or bike everywhere, and it's kind of impossible to appl for jobs when it's either storming outside or so hot that we're cautioned to just stay inside.
But I was fucking trying to do something today. Except that I'm stuck babysitting, and every time I try to get on the computer to type up an essay for Aeon or some such, my goddamned mother or some other part of the family decides they need to have a deep, moving conversation with me. That or my fucking father turns pyscho patronizing-apparently he's "so proud of me" but still judges me too incompetent to so much as find a fucking webpage without his standing behind me going "now click on that button." Urge to kill rising...
All I want is a temporary job to get me money and experience for grad school, or a way to go to Japan.
I hate my life, I fucking hate it.
