alright, enough's enough

No one likes a whiner, I realize this. And the fact that none of my closest buddies bother to comment on what I have to say is most definitely a sign that I'm whining too much. If not that, the fact that all my one friend could offer in the way of help was "sorry nc sucks" is most definitely a subtle slap to the face. (and please don't think I'm accusing them of anything, b/c I'm not. I'm fully aware that I'm the child here) I don't mean anything by my whining really. Despite the fact that I'm no chatter box, I have always thought through my own problems better when I could voice them. I must come off as really obnoxious or stupid at times, but just being able to vocalize my inner dischord is usually enough to clear my head, help me see that I'm being idiotic, or paranoid, or mean, or whatever. Being stuck here in the middle of nowhere, I literally have no one to talk to. In RL or online, my problems get completely lost in the goings ons of my buddies, who actually have lives and are infinitely more interesting to discuss.

I figure my live journal is perfect for venting in lieu of talking, except that it doesn't clear my head quite as much. It does help some though-I was so disgusted over my last post that I was remotivated to find some sort of job. But the fact remains that jobs in this town are either of the long term type (which is no good for me) or of the short term type that I'm not qualified for (which sounds stupid but is true). I honestly was all set to go apply for a waitressing position at Cracker Barrel, but a few nights ago my family went out to eat and just watching the waitresses there threw me into depression. I just couldn't do it-I'm not enough of a people person, and I would hate every second of it. And I always promised myself I would never do something I absolutely hate. That's why I finally gave up little caesars-I got to the point I was crying after every shift. That place was fucking hell. Moving on.

I did find rather an interesting job idea today-I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I won't say it's easy, or that I'm gauranteed to get it, but I will say that I don't think it's a lost cause. I applied to several cruise lines to work onboard their ships, and it's all jobs I'm more than qualified for-mostly in the galley and whatnot. We'll see how it goes. At least I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something.

After five hours of that (stupid applications take for fucking ever to fill out, bleh), I spent another three trying to find a grad school that piques my interest. So far I'm contemplating Wisconsin and Hawaii, and another friend has recommened I look at the University of London. Personally I'd like to bum around grad school with my most beloved friend gomes, but I'd think she'd either have to kill me to preserve her own (dwindling) sanity, or the teachers would have to seperate us in class. I know ol' Krebs used to give us the evil eye. We never really learned to fear him as other students did-probably b/c we knew all his tricks.

Typing like this at four am is probably not my smartest idea, but lately I have not been able to sleep until I'm literally dizzy with exhaustion (and lack of food I guess-I'm never hungry anymore).

At least I have yaoi con to look forward to. Of course, that brings up the inevitable question of how I can afford it. I can't-its a graduation present from my parents. Logic dictates that I probably ask for a more useful gift, but I only pulled a B- in logic, so fuck it.

Okay, I've talked way too long. I"m going to go fix some coffee or something.

car on fire

I tell ya-this is no way to start your morning, for any of you considering the merits of a flaming car in lieu (am I spelling that correctly?) of caffeine.

here's the story in full:

I didn't go to sleep last night, so I prepped the coffee and then made breakfast for my sister, who has to get up way to fuckin' early to babysit the munchkins from hell mon-fri. I digress - we had this rather nasty storm last night, so my dad had moved are old crap car to the street (he's always working on it. it'll function for a week, then stop again) so he could put the good car in the garage.

my mom went to move the crap car back into the driveway this morning. She started it, didn't work. she got out to see if my dad had removed or disconnected something (which, apparently, he has a tendency to do. why? I don't know. I'm just a girl, so my dad doesn't see fit to explain these things to me). she says before she could even get around to the hood, smoke started coming out. She was thinking, "okay, it's hot." only it didn't stop, it got worse.

she walks into the house, and asks "where's the phone? The cars on fire." now, I haven't slept, and my younger sister has just woken up-and it's only about 6:30 am at this time. we kinda look at my mom, then look at each thinking "Zzz...fuck wha???...zz"

we stumble outside to see, thinking "oh, it's probably just small and trivial" no, no. the front was all smoke and orange, and there were a couple of not so small bangs before the hood was just orange. if the damned fire department had been any slower (and they weren't in any hurry coming down the street, let me assure you) there would have been a nice little explosion to greet the neighbors.

damned funny stuff. but no way to start your thursday.