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maderrBut I find it funny, anyway. Because being Conserv doesn't mean I have to be one of the asshole ones.
Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination . . . End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow
them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but
not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness -
Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I
have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -
Leviticus.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask
the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination - Leviticus 11:10, it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of
abomination?
7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the
altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to
admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have
to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How
should they die?
9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin
of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19
by planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it
really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them?
Leviticus 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and
thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so
I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
Sincerely,
A Grateful Fan
Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination . . . End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow
them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but
not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness -
Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I
have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -
Leviticus.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask
the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination - Leviticus 11:10, it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of
abomination?
7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the
altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to
admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have
to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How
should they die?
9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin
of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19
by planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it
really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them?
Leviticus 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and
thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so
I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
Sincerely,
A Grateful Fan
