"Taka struggled free of Raiden’s grip and only wound up crashing to the floor as the ship gave another rough jolt." "“Steady, Taka,” Raiden said, still holding him tightly, his other hand holding the ship itself, keeping them upright." You forgot to show Raiden picking Taka up, I had visions of them on the floor (happy hmmm). Raiden after removing Taka from writing his letters to get him dry and warm is.."He wore a simple dark gray rob" Needs an E on the end of that. Loved the inclusion of Culebra's story and the show of Kyo being the caring person that he hides so well from most everyone. Taka needing the brandy after his little fight with himself over Raiden's appealingness. *very happy sigh* I like this rewrite very much.
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Date: 2007-03-08 04:36 am (UTC)"“Steady, Taka,” Raiden said, still holding him tightly, his other hand holding the ship itself, keeping them upright."
You forgot to show Raiden picking Taka up, I had visions of them on the floor (happy hmmm).
Raiden after removing Taka from writing his letters to get him dry and warm is.."He wore a simple dark gray rob" Needs an E on the end of that.
Loved the inclusion of Culebra's story and the show of Kyo being the caring person that he hides so well from most everyone.
Taka needing the brandy after his little fight with himself over Raiden's appealingness. *very happy sigh*
I like this rewrite very much.