demon and baby story

[maderr]

Because I am nothing if not whipped obedient.

Dude, my family has the patience of a saint. The assholes upstairs like to play everything at a million decibles. I'dve fucking killed them by this point.

Have obnoxiously cute and utterly pointless story:



The Spawn


"What is that?" Amancio asked, unable to believe what he was seeing.

"Spawn," the goblin holding the screaming bundle of blankets replied, expression earnest and helpful. Eager, as always, to please, it rapidly unwound the blankets and held up a now-screaming human spawn – obviously male.

That promptly started peeing.

Amancio glanced down at his tunic, then at the now-panicked looking goblin – who dropped the spawn to turn and run.

Swearing, Amancio caught the spawn before it could hit the ground, though only just.

The screaming got louder.

Wincing, he quickly cast a muting spell, dulling the wailing to bearable levels. If it didn't stop soon, he'd mute it entirely.

A spawn. What in the name of the rings of hell was a human spawn doing on his land? His neighbors were human, but they didn't have any children this young. Did they? No, just that aggravating bastard of a knight who had vanished years ago to slay dragons or gremlins or something. The neighborhood had actually become peaceful after that nuisance took off. Had the bastard come back with a wife and whelp? So why was it here?

He grimaced as the spawn only continued to cry, and there was also the matter of his pee-soaked tunic. Muttering soft swear words, he bent to snatch up the discarded blankets and crudely bundled the spawn back up.

It didn't quit crying, but maybe it would just get tired and pass out eventually. Ugh, who knew? He hated spawn. Turning sharply on his heel, he turned and left his front room to return to his bedroom. Beyond the massive windows and glass doors of his balcony, the world was soft and shadowy as early evening gradually gave way to full dark. Slivers of moonlight slipped through the sheer curtains, adding soft light to the spots of yellow-orange provided by the candles he'd only just lit.

Sighing, he carried the still-crying spawn to the bed and deposited it in the middle of it, then stripped off his clothes and tossed them as far as he could. Scrubbing thoroughly at the wash basin in the corner of his room, he strode to his wardrobe and pulled out a fresh undershirt and tunic, the former black, the latter dark gray.

Clean and dressed once more, he strode back to the bed. The spawn was still screaming, and he wondered if it was healthy for a spawn to have such a red face. Probably; humans were always getting red in the face when they were angry and it hadn't killed any of them that he'd ever seen.

Still, maybe it was different for human spawn.

Heaving a sigh, Amancio cast a calling spell.

Two minutes later his housekeeper appeared. "Tula," he said, noting she looked nervous and trying not to make it worse. "Some stupid human seems to have left a human spawn on my lands. Do you know anything about them?"

Tula frowned and scratched her bulbous nose thoughtfully. "Grandfather says taste best with mint," she said slowly, eyes full of the same earnest need to please her master that all goblins possessed. Minions in general were never happier than when they could please their master.

"I'm afraid the eating of humans is frowned upon these days, Tula. Nor do I think I'd care for the flavor."

"Oh," Tula said, shoulders slumping.

"Now, now," Amancio said gently, moving close enough to pat her shoulder. "Even the best tasting human could not match your wyrm stew."

Tula visibly brightened.

Amancio smiled briefly, because really even when they brought spawn that peed on him it was hard to get angry with his goblins. Gremlins were something else entirely; he could punt them around all day with no qualms.

A thought suddenly occurred to him, and he strode back to the bed. "Maybe it's hungry," he said aloud. "Tula, what do human spawn eat?"

"Same thing my spawn?" Tula asked.

Amancio pondered that, then thought about what he knew of humans. "Hmm. I think we will either need to kidnap a human female or find some other way to provide milk for the spawn."

Human female was definitely out. He would not put up with one of those shrieking nuisances for all the power in the hells. Where else did one get human milk? Was there something close?

Well, when in doubt – go to the library. Nodding to himself, Amancio strode to the door. He halted as he reached it, then heaved a sigh and went back to the bed, scooping up the spawn.

Honestly, he should just let his minions eat it. If the humans had left it in his territory, obviously they didn't want it. Better a good snack than a continuing nuisance, surely. What was he supposed to do with a human?

Still, he didn't want it to be a snack. No one should wind up in a stew pot unless he was supremely annoying. He could not begrudge a spawn screaming if it was hungry.

If he found the humans who had abandoned their spawn, however, he would certainly throw them in a stew pot for being supremely annoying. Settling the spawn is an extra-wide reading chair, he strode to the section of shelves about humans.

Mostly human magic, but surely he had something on the damnable humans themselves.

Hopefully he would find it soon, because he would feel rather stupid and somewhat cruel if he let a spawn starve to death. He rubbed one of his horns absently as he perused his shelves, sighing at the quiet evening of reading and drinking tea he'd lost. In fact, his tea was probably cold by now.

Some time later the spawn was fast asleep and he was only slightly more educated about human spawn. Baby was the correct term, apparently, but a spawn was a spawn.

Apparently he needed a goat or a cow. That was easy enough, he kept those for feeding the dragons and manticores. Calling for servants, he gave out the necessary orders – loudly, and forcefully, because a little bit of fear made certain they'd remember the orders and carry them out correctly.

Silence fell and he moved to the spawn, poking at it warily – and promptly woke it up. He winced as it started shrieking again, and made a mental note not to ever touch a sleeping spawn again.

Honestly. He hadn't been this bothersome as a spawn. Surely not. His mother would have fed him to the dragons.

Recasting the muting spell, he picked up the spawn and frowned at it. He prodded its chest lightly with the tip of one claw, then its red face.

Still the spawn cried, and Amancio really wished he could make it stop, but short of getting to go back to sleep or food he had no idea what to do. The thing was going to get sick soon, if it kept this up.

Hesitating, he finally gave in and cast a mild calming spell. The muting spell he hadn't minded because it didn't affect the spawn, merely the noise itself. A calming spell would affect the spawn directly – but in his arms it calmed down, and seemed to suffer no ill effects from demon magic.

He sat down and cradled the spawn on his lap, sighing as he looked around his library. What was he going to do with the spawn after he fed it? Perhaps he should take it to the human village a couple days away. Humans always lived in huge packs, surely they wouldn't mind the addition of one more spawn.

Except he didn't know why it had been left in his territory. He didn't like mysteries. Humans didn't just leave their spawn lying around. That was troll behavior, sure, but not human. If humans had left a spawn in his territory, he didn't need a book to tell him they'd been trying to get rid of it.

So had they hoped it would be eaten? Just forgotten? Had they not realized they'd dumped it off in the territory of Lord Amancio the Blackhearted? Who didn't know the boundary lines of the Blackhearted demon?

He sighed and settled more comfortably, frowning at the baby. Was it in pain? He had no love of humans, but even he wouldn't stoop so low as to purposely harm a spawn whose only crime was to be born – and even that was not the spawn's fault.

It had fallen asleep again, and he resisted an urge to poke at it again, uncertain as to why he even wanted to. It had gotten rather heavy, especially for such a little thing, but he couldn't be bothered to move to shift the weight. He might wake it up, and that meant more screaming, which just no.

A softly muttered spell stoked the fire nearby, and the library was now blissfully quiet even if his arm was going to sleep from the weight of the spawn. He relaxed his head against the back of the chair and let his eyes fall shut, allowing himself to doze.

He was jerked awake by the sound of the door banging open and the babbling of half a dozen goblins come to tell him all they had accomplished – and to shove a crude bottle at him after they had complained about the gremlins who had actually made it for a few minutes.

Amancio eyed the bottle warily, but it seemed to match what his book had described. He praised the goblins and sent them out, then woke the baby and attempted to feed it.

Two hours later he was extremely grateful he'd never had an urge to produce spawn of his old.

Grimacing at the stench, the mess made in the blankets, he threw up his hands and cast all the necessary spells. Magic, as a rule, was best kept for situations for which it was truly required. Tonight he had given in to far too many impulses to use it – but what else was he to do with a spawn?

He should have anticipated this latest mess though. It had eaten, after all.

Heaving a sigh, he bundled it back up in the clean-again blankets and went back to his books.

*~*~*

The baby needed a name.

Nine days, Amancio conceded, was a bit long to continue using 'it' and 'spawn'.

Did he already have a name?

Well, it hardly mattered. If the humans had abandoned him, Amancio hardly felt he should care what name they might have given it. Until he gave it back to the humans, he had every right to call the baby what he pleased.

So what name pleased him?

He drummed his claws on his desk, eying the squirming miniature human burbling and cooing on a pile of blankets on the floor near the fire – but not too near, he didn't want it to get too hot or anything.

Pushing back his chair, he moved around the desk and toward the baby, sitting down on the floor and reaching out a hand. Soft, soft hair the color of palest gold crowned the baby's head. It had blue eyes. Was that common with humans? He dimly recalled the humans in the neighboring territory had green eyes. Maybe. He recalled some human with green eyes, anyway. So was it unique to families? Probably not, humans were complicated.

They weren't like demons. Everyone knew his family by the slightly curved black horns that grew out slightly above and just forward of their ears. No other demon family in creation had horns exactly like that.

Humans had no such marks, not that he'd ever noticed.

He reached out and prodded the baby gently, picking up one of its tiny hands. It made one of its burbling noises and held tightly to his finger. For its size the grip was remarkably strong. It almost made him smile, but he turned it into a scowl at the last.

So what name?

Despite himself he found himself poking and prodding more at the baby, amused by the noises it made and how it squirmed. That latest noise almost sounded like a laugh. Did babies laugh? What did they have to laugh about?

He leaned closer, peering at it, hoping a name would come to him because even if he had no intention of keeping it, even a temporary name could not be poorly given. All names must be carefully chosen, for they helped to shape the individual.

The baby gave one of its high cries that seemed to be a laugh – and grabbed a strand of Amancio's long hair. Then it yanked.

Swearing, Amancio attempted to work his hair free, but the baby's grip was surprisingly tenacious. He really had to remember to bind his hair back when he was going to be around the vexing thing.

Finally getting his hair free, Amancio summoned up a ribbon and tied his hair back, then picked the baby up. It cried out again, obviously amused even though he still wasn't sure how or why a baby would – could – be amused. He carried it over to the window, looking out over his territory while the baby continued to make its happy noises.

A pretty day. Good day for traveling, and sunshine always put humans in a good mood. If he used magic, it would not even take two days to reach the village and he could dump the baby off.

Except he still didn't know why it had been in his territory at all…

"Heliodoro," he said suddenly. "That's a good name. I'll call you Hel for short." He held the baby up high, and could not help smiling as it made more of its awkward happy noises.

Still carrying Hel, he returned to his desk and went half-heartedly back to his paperwork, reading over stuff and occasionally signing a document. Working around Hel was awkward, even impossible at times, but he was reluctant for whatever reason just to set him back down on the blanket.

Until Hel started getting fussy, at which point Amancio set aside his quill and stood to go find a goblin to prepare a bottle. When the bottle was finally obtained, he walked through the halls of his manor as he fed Hel.

By the time he'd finally wended his way to his bedroom, Hel was more than ready for bed. An hour later he was happily asleep, and Amancio settled the blankets just so.

Where he'd gotten so many little blankets with oddly cute designs he didn't know, but he knew better than to too closely question where his goblins obtained certain things. Sighing at himself, he snuffed the candles with a wave of his hand, then strode back to his library to finish his work.

The bells were tolling midnight when he finally shoved the paperwork back and tiredly rubbed his eyes. At least Hel hadn't woken up at all. The first few nights he'd done nothing but wake and cry and fuss.

It seemed he was settling in.

Amancio turned away from that thought, not liking what it implied. He didn't know what his problem was, really. Boredom, perhaps. There'd not really been much to do beyond the usual business of running his territory since the humans next door and in the village had settled down.

Not that he missed an over-eager would-be knight running amuck to vanquish the evil demon. The treaty signed just over a hundred years ago actually seemed to be working. His parents had moved away in disgust, of course – they refused to live where they couldn't terrorize – but Amancio was rather fond of the peace and quiet. He was also fond of his improved finances; terrorizing was expensive.

He relaxed in his chair and closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the calm, the slight breeze coming in through the window.

The scream of pain that came from the main courtyard.

Amancio's eyes snapped open, and he was to the open window before the scream had faded away.

Two figures stood in the courtyard – well, one was a crying goblin, lying on the cobblestones of the courtyard. The second figure stood with sword in hand over the crying goblin, and the darkness was not so great it could hide the telltale glint of armor from Amancio's eyes. Snarling a curse, he threw open the window and leaned out. "Ho, Knight! What in the hells are you doing to my goblin?"

"Foul demon!" the knight snarled, hefting his sword and stalking across the yard until he was closer to the window. "You have no room to complain how I treat your vile minions!"

Oh, he did hate knights. If there was one thing he did hate about the treaty, it was no longer being allowed to cook the suckers in their shiny metal clothes. The dragons loved breaking open the charred armor to get to the tasty cooked meat inside.

Ah, well.

"I have plenty of room to complain," he snapped. "We've done nothing to you. My minions do not leave my lands. Why are you being so bloody annoying?"

"You know your crimes!" the knight roared. "How dare you play this game of ignorance?"

Amancio pinched the bridge of his nose. Knights. Often pretty, but always idiots. He muttered the spell words softly, vanishing from the library to reappear in the courtyard. Another small spell sent the injured goblin off to be treated, and he warded all the doors so no one else could enter – or leave – the courtyard. "What in the bloody hell are you going on about knight?" He frowned. "You look familiar."

The knight rolled his eyes. "I look familiar. I would say so, demon! My family lands border your own!"

Oh. Well. It would seem the annoying little boy had grown up. "How long has it been since you ran off?" Amancio asked. "I was certain some dragon would eat you."

"Ha!" The knight sneered. "Many a dragon have I to my name, f—"

"Foul demon, got it," Amancio said with a roll of his eyes. "Yes. Can we get back to this great crime I've committed? I would like to go to bed."

The knight bristled; Amancio thought he looked like a puffed up cat. How many years had it been? He remembered an aggravating young human of what…fifteen years or so? "You have kidnapped my nephew! That's what! You and your games, you never change!"

"Neither do you," Amancio said irritably. "Must humans shout about everything?" He paused. "Wait. What? I haven't kidnapped anyone."

"My nephew! A babe barely born!"

Amancio blinked. Blinked again. Blinked again just for good measure. "I haven't kidnapped anyone. My goblins found a baby on my land; they brought it to me."

"Liar!" the knight swore. "My family would never—"

"Stop shouting!" Amancio bellowed. He grabbed the knight close and shook him hard. "How long have you been gone? Ten years? Fifteen?"

"Twenty," the knight replied icily. "I bet you don't remember my name either, you stupid demon."

Amancio shook him again, just because. He frowned. "Remember? Did I ever even know your name?"

The knight kicked him, and Amancio let him go with a grunt – it didn't hurt, but who liked to get kicked regardless of the amount of pain? Anyway, he knew from experience shaking wouldn't really help.

He watched as the knight yanked off his helmet and hooked it to his belt.

Oh, well.

The annoying little boy had grown right up.

Gone was a thin stick of pain in the ass, though the tendency to shout had remained. A gawky, spotty barely above spawn level human had turned into a handsome man. Too bad the shouting thing hadn't gone away.

Still.

Dark blonde hair, green eyes, and the sort of build that said this knight could easily kill a few dragons before breakfast. It was a shame he followed the rule of pretty but stupid. "I don't believe I ever was told your name, knight. I see you managed not to get yourself killed after twenty years."

Twenty years, incredible. He never kept track of the years well. Humans tended to grow so fast. Would Hel grow that quickly? Why the hells did he care? Ugh.

The knight glared at him. "You're still a jerk, I see. Delwyn. My name is Delwyn."

"How the hells would I know that?" Amancio asked. "I just called you Pest."

"Yes," Delwyn replied. "I know. You're a jerk. Now apparently you're a bastard who’s kidnapped my nephew."

"I didn't kidnap him," Amancio snapped. "He was on my land, I told you that!"

"You do have him!" Delwyn replied, looking furious – and hurt. Amancio boggled. "Why would you kidnap him? You were never like that."

That was it. Amancio snagged him close again and began to shake him hard, enjoying the sound of an idiot rattling in his armor and making choking protests. "Listen to me you rock-headed idiot," he said, and shook again. "I did not kidnap that spawn. He was on my land. My goblins brought him to me. I have been keeping him because I did not know where he belonged or why he was left here."

Delwyn frowned. "He's my nephew. My sister and her husband would not leave him somewhere, least of all in your territory."

"There's nothing wrong with my territory," Amancio said icily. "Certainly it's better than yours. I at least have never abandoned a spawn."

"It's a baby, not a spawn," Delwyn snapped. "You don't have spawn to abandon – apparently you just kidnap them."

"I found him," Amancio bellowed, and dragged Delwyn across the courtyard, throwing open the gates with a snarled spell word. He threw Delwyn out. "I found the baby. I don't kidnap. I guess twenty years wasn't enough for you to grow up." The gates slammed shut, and he stormed back inside, another spell shutting the doors, every window, sealing his house up.

Storming through the halls, he felt out briefly that his goblin was okay – he was – and then he was at his bedroom and stalking toward the tiny bed at the foot of his own. It had high sides to keep Hel from falling out, and a few small dolls and toys made by clumsy goblins and clever gremlins to please the baby, which would please the master.

He reached out and gently picked up one of Hel's tiny hands. "What's going on here, Hel? Hmm? Why would anyone get rid of you? Why does that idiot pretty boy think I stole you?" Like he'd bother to kidnap a baby. Honestly. If he was that desperate for company, he'd just enchant a human and enjoy the sex.

Not once in his two hundred years had he been that desperate for company. He'd rather kill himself than be forced to enchant a human in order to get laid. Ugh.

Hel moved and gurgled, and Amancio let him be, moving to his balcony and opening one door just enough to slip outside. He leaned on the wide stone railing and watched the movement below – one dense pretty knight riding away, no doubt to look up all the ways to destroy a demon.

Rolling his eyes, Amancio went back inside. Stripping out of his clothes, he collapsed into bed and let sleep take him away.

*~*~*

"Knight back."

Amancio grimaced. "Are the gates still sealed?"

"Yes, Master."

He motioned for the goblin to depart. "Then ignore him. Let him holler himself into exhaustion." The goblin vanished and he moved to the window, pulling back the curtain slightly to stare down at the knight hollering at his gate.

Hmm. He wondered why Delwyn was behaving so – surely the man could break the wards. A knight of his experience should find them no obstacle whatsoever. Not to mention the sword at his hip, the marks on that armor. So why was he going on a fifth day of simply bellowing epithets?

The boy had definitely grown into a fine man, except in the brain department. Why couldn't he have gained some intelligence? Amancio wouldn't have thought twice about coaxing that one to his bed. Dropping the curtain, he moved to the tiny portable cradle near the fireplace and checked to make certain Hel was all right.

That addressed, he tidied up his desk and made his way downstairs. Giving strict instructions to see that Hel was taken care of, he went outside.

"Demon!"

Amancio ignored him, not bothering to speak until he reached the gate. Then he yanked Delwyn close, snickering at the way the armor clanged against the iron bars, the way it choked off the epithets. "Listen. My name is not demon. It's—"

"Amancio," Delwyn said, and the bitterness in his voice drew Amancio up short. "I know your name. I actually learned it, and remembered it, unlike you."

"I wasn't aware it was so important," Amancio said with a frown.

Delwyn laughed, grabbing the bars – then suddenly he was flashing metal and a flurry of movement, legs kicking Amancio hard, sending him stumbling back.

Then the gate was open and Amancio found himself being manhandled like so much straw – and shaken hard. He'd retaliate, but it was sort of funny and he had been asking for it.

"You stupid demon!" Delwyn snapped. "Where's Barnaby?"

Amancio zapped him, and fell to the ground with a grunt. He cast a ward absently, but didn't relax – he didn't doubt for a minute now that Delwyn was holding back. "If you mean the baby, then his name is not Barnaby and I'm not giving him to anyone until I know why he was left in my territory! Everyone says we demons are heartless, but we don't abandon our spawn in enemy territory."

"So you're saying you are our enemy."

"No," Amancio snapped. "I'm saying that's how all you idiots regard me. That baby – Heliodoro – was found by my goblins on my land."

"His name is Barnaby, demon, and my sister says he was kidnapped in the dead of night and this was found by the cradle."

Amancio glanced at the object all but thrust beneath his nose. A cap. The pointed little caps his goblins wore, patched to death and worn threadbare. That they were well-paid was never obvious, but goblins were goblins after all. They never gave up on anything, even their ragged clothes.

He snatched the cap away and muttered to himself, the spell washing over the cap. He frowned, then turned and stalked back into his manor – only distantly noting that Delwyn was following him. "Tula!" he bellowed.

Screaming erupted from the cradle near the fire, and Amancio frowned.

"Barnaby!"

"His name is not Barnaby," Amancio snapped, snatching the back of Delwyn's neck and tossing him aside. He stalked to the cradle and picked Heliodor up, holding the baby close. "It's okay, Hel," he soothed. "The idiot pretty boy will be leaving soon."

Ignoring the grunting coming from the recovering idiot pretty boy of recent mention, he moved to his desk and sat down, cradling Hel close. He glared at Delwyn, but before either of them could say anything the door opened and Tula slid in.

"Come, Tula," Amancio said gently, glaring a warning at Delwyn when he showed signs of opening his mouth. Yes, much prettier when he was not saying moronic things.

Tula approached the desk, and held out a bottle. "Baby Master hungry."

Statement, not a question. Amancio would have smiled except the matter was too serious for it. "Yes, thank you, Tula." He accepted the bottle and began to feed Hel. "Tula," he said, nodding to the cap on the desk. "That is yours."

All but shrieking in delight, Tula snatched up her cap. "Master found!"

"Found?" Amancio asked.

"Stolen, Master."

Amancio frowned. "Why did you not tell me it was stolen, Tula?"

Tula shrugged. "Master need not be bothered. Only cap."

"Thank you, Tula."

"Master hungry?" She stepped back as Delwyn drew close. "Knight hungry?"

Before he could say yay or nay, Tula had vanished.

"Stolen?" Delwyn asked, and even a goblin could not have missed the skepticism in his voice.

Amancio didn't throw something at his head only because he was feeding Hel. "Yes, Stolen. Goblins don't lie. They can't. Too simple and earnest. You saw how happy it made her to get that silly thing back. Notice also she didn't tell me it had been stolen, though I could have gotten it back for her. The spell would have only been mildly complicated. Yet she was more concerned about not bothering me. She is not lying."

"My sister is not lying either," Delwyn said.

"Someone is lying," Amancio snapped. "I am more inclined to think the liar is human. In all my years of life, I have encountered hundreds of lying humans and not a single lying goblin."

Delwyn was silent.

"The real question, then, is why would a human lie about what happened to a baby. Especially her own baby."

"She isn't lying," Delwyn snapped. "She summoned me all the way back home to rescue her son – why would she do that if she was lying? I would be bound to figure it out."

The door opened to admit Tula and two other goblins, all of them bearing trays – one laden with tea things, the other two with food. He stood in silence as the goblins bustled happily to arrange the food on the little table in the sitting area.

"Master's food ready," Tula finally announced proudly.

Amancio nodded. "Thank you, Tula. Here, take Hel and burp him, see if you can get him to sleep."

"Yes, Master," Tula said. She took Hel and held him closely, then turned to Delwyn. "Knight's food brought too. Big and handsome now. Good." She bowed to Amancio. "Good night, Master."

"Good night, Tula. Tell everyone they are finished for the night."

She bowed once more – interesting to see while she still balanced Hel – then left, closing the door behind her.

Amancio moved to the sitting area and took his usual seat, a deep, plush black chair just perfect to rest his head against without being so high his horns got in the way. He poured tea and sipped at it, smiling briefly in pleasure. Tula always made the best tea. Taking another sip, he finally spared a glance for the man still standing on the far side of the library. "Are you going to eat? Or do you no longer like honey-nut bread?"

"Honey nut bread?" Delwyn asked. He stalked across the room, skepticism warring with hope on his face. He gawked at the table. "It really is." He glared at Amancio. "You don't remember my name but you recall I like honey nut bread?"

"You never told me your name," Amancio replied. "I just called you Pest or Brat or Nuisance. Not once did you ever actually tell me your name."

"You never told me yours either," Delwyn snapped. "I learned it."

Amancio rolled his eyes. "I was not an annoying little kid invading the territory of a demon and attempting to drive said demon insane. You were not the terrifying demon living next door. Of course you would know my name but I would not know yours. Humans come and go, I cannot be expected to remember all their names especially when I don’t learn them in the first place."

"Annoying. Pest. Brat. Nuisance. Is that all I was?" Delwyn asked, sitting down with an unmistakable air of dejection. He picked up a slice of honey-nut bread and took an unenthusiastic bite.

"What else would you have been?" Amancio asked. "Isn't that what you were trying to be?"

Delwyn frowned. "So if Barnaby wasn't kidnapped, what is going on here?"

"Why are you changing the subject?"

"Because my youthful stupidity is not something I feel like discussing," Delwyn snapped. "Barnaby is more important."

Amancio glared. "His name is Heliodoro, not Barnaby. I am not calling my—him by that stupid name. He was found on my land, he's mine until I decide to give him to the humans. Therefore his name is Heliodoro."

"I thought you didn't like humans." Delwyn snatched another piece of bread, and this one he devoured almost with a vengeance.

That was enough. Amancio slammed his tea down. "In all the years I've lived, not once have I ever purposely sought out and harmed a single human. Not even an ogre! If I seem a little vexed it is because humans only ever come here to harass me to death."

"You've killed humans. And ogres."

"Everyone kills ogres. They're like mosquitoes, except the size of trees and in possession of a nasty temper."

Delwyn grunted in reluctant agreement and grabbed more bread.

"As to everyone and everything else," Amancio said, "I have never killed anyone or anything that did not first try to kill me or mine. The goblins, gremlins, faeries, imps, and anything else which chooses to live on my territory fall under my protection. If anyone hurts my people, I hurt the offender. If he really hurts them, he gets fed to the dragons and the manticores."

"Yeah, is that purple dragon with the scars still around?" Delwyn asked. "She was always a crotchety thing, but kinda cute." He reached for the tea tray and picked up a dark blue pot, rather than the green one from which Amancio had been pouring. The rich aroma of dark roasted coffee filled the room.

Amancio smiled briefly. "She's still around, and likely would remember you."

"Likely she'd want to make a snack out of me."

"Nothing personal. Dragons love roasted knight."

Delwyn made a face, but was smiling faintly as he drank his coffee.

"So what are you intending to do, knight?" Amancio asked. "No one on my land kidnapped that baby, and they would not steal a cap from a goblin."

"That leaves my family, or some other human," Delwyn said unhappily. "I was a full week's travel from here. Why would they go to that much trouble to fetch me if it was not truly a kidnapping? Why the presence of the goblin cap?"

Wait. "A full week? A seven day journey away?"

"Yes," Delwyn replied.

"Delwyn—" He paused, momentarily thrown by the sheer happiness that lit Delwyn's eyes for a moment. "How did they fetch you? I've only just today had Heliodor for thirteen days."

"My brother in law came for me," Delwyn said. "He and my sister have taken over the manor; my parents retired to the mountains years ago." He frowned. "Why would they lie to me? They wouldn't get rid of their child, surely not…" He set his coffee down and stood up. "I will have to investigate this for myself. I apologize for disturbing you."

Amancio frowned. "In your mind, you had every reason. Return to me when you've solved the mystery; I would like to know the reasons for all of this myself."

Delwyn swept him a remarkably pretty bow, and Amancio thought again that he really had grown up well. Perhaps when this whole bothersome matter was ended, he would have a bit of fun. Humans weren't always annoying, after all. "I will return."

"See that you do," Amancio said, and was sorry the armor and that cape kept him from really enjoying the view. Hmm. He would have to hurry up and finish Hel's nursery so he could have his bedroom back.

Then he was alone in the library, and for once he felt rather dissatisfied with that. Hmm. Perhaps he was getting used to having more than just his minions around again. Well, it had been rather quiet since…huh. Since Delwyn had left to go adventuring.

Interesting.

*~*~*

He woke suddenly, and threw himself off the bed just in time to avoid the spell lobbed at his head.

Swearing, he cast a spell to retrieve his clothes, then bolted for Hel's bed.

More demon bane flew at his head, and he wondered what manner of damned human in the area had that level of skill, and he countered it with a void spell, then threw up wards as he retrieved Hel and bolted from the room.

He pounded downstairs, attacker on his heels – a warlock, and he knew there were no warlocks in the area – and saw that downstairs more than a few of his minions had been badly hurt.

That was it.

Throwing open the library doors, he sealed them shut behind him and put Hel in his cradle. Casting wards as quickly as he could, he got Hel protected just as the warlock broke into the library.

"Give back the child you stole," the warlock bellowed.

He was an ugly bastard. Warlocks usually were. What they got for being monster-killing assholes.

Amancio held on to his temper. "I did not steal the child! Where is Delwyn? I thought we had worked this matter out."

"Silence, demon!"

"Yeah, yeah," Amancio said irritably. "Let us take the fight elsewhere, so that we do not hurt the child—" He threw himself out of the way as the fireball was tossed, snapping out the spell to halt it before it could harm his books. He picked himself up in time to take a knife in the shoulder.

Ugh. He buried his claws in the warlock's shoulder and threw him into the doors. Snarling, he yanked the dagger out, swearing as the room tilted. Poisoned. Lovely. Obviously he'd gotten too lax in his quiet life to let a stupid warlock get into his house and then stab him with a poisoned dagger.

He growled as the warlock slowly stood up, feeling somewhat mollified at the way his right arm hung useless at his side.

Then the room began to tilt alarmingly, and Amancio wished badly he had a healer running around. He could stop bleeding, but not really heal wounds. Poison was completely beyond his abilities.

Throwing up wards to buy time, he stumbled his way over to Hel.

"Give back the child and I will kill you swiftly, demon."

Amancio rolled his eyes. Right. If he did die, which was unlikely even with the poison, he was damned well going to take the stupid warlock with him. "I did not steal the child, you stupid human. How many times must I say it?"

"I do not care what a demon has to say."

He did not bother to reply to that, merely stood in front of Hel's cradle and started to cast a spell that would take care of the warlock once and for all – roasted warlock wasn't quite as nice as roasted knight, but the dragons appreciated any treat.

Then the battered doors flew open, and Amancio stared in shock.

Delwyn looked like shit. The poor knight looked like he'd gotten his ass handed to him thrice over.

The warlock turned to see the new threat, and Amancio took his chance. In the next breath the warlock was on the ground gurgling out his last breath. "So I see we're back to me being a kidnapper," Amancio bit out, turning around to fumble a crying Hel out of his cradle.

He then sat down hard in front of his desk, leaning against it and holding Hel close. "Stupid humans. Why can't you all just go away and leave me alone? I didn't do anything."

Delwyn dropped down next to him with a groan. "Did he poison you?"

Amancio said nothing.

A small crystal vial was dropped on top of Hel. "Drink that," Delwyn said. "The bastard got me with his nasty little dagger too. That should take care of it."

Frowning, Amancio picked up the vial and pulled out the stopper. "What's going on? I thought you agreed I didn't do it."

"You didn't do it," Delwyn said. "Why do you think I look like shit? I went back to see my sister, and long story short they've been setting you up – evil demon kidnaps baby, fearful sister calls back noble knight brother to slay evil demon, scheming sister and her asshole husband take over the demon territory to amass more wealth and power."

Amancio grimaced. "I see. Humans. You're all idiots."

"Not going to argue with you," Delwyn said wearily, scrubbing a hand through his tangled hair, sighing heavily. "If she'd gotten a different knight for the job, I'm sure it would have worked."

"The warlock was doing a splendid job," Amancio said. "I'm just happy Hel was not hurt, though I am sorely tempted to go after your sister for the harm inflicted upon my minions."

Delwyn shook his head. "Don't bother. She won't be moving for at least a month, and I sent word to the proper authorities. She's broken the treaty in so many ways, I stopped counting the transgressions." He shrugged and looked at the rug, then slowly dragged his eyes back up. "I'm really sorry. I knew all along it would be kinda weird if you had actually kidnapped Hel, that's why I kept stalling."

"Oh?" Amancio asked. "You certainly bellowed enough about it."

"Yeah, but I never actually attacked you – you were the one who kept shaking me."

"You required shaking," Amancio replied. He frowned. "You called the baby Hel."

Delwyn shrugged. "You've been a better parent than either of them. If you wanted to keep him, I'd support you." He smiled faintly – and Amancio thought, surprised, a little sadly. "Maybe you finally have a human who doesn't annoy you to death."

"I think humans are annoying the way goblins are earnest. Can't help it."

"Probably," Delwyn said, looking sad again. "I suppose I should get my annoying self out of your hair, then. Could I see my nephew, at least? All this trouble…"

Amancio handed him over, then finally drank down the antidote. That done, he stood up and started casting spells across the castle, helping his minions as best he could, repairing the ruined library doors.

By the time he was finished casting spells, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and stay there a very long time. Hopefully Hel would drop off to sleep once he was settled into bed again.

He turned around to fetch Hel, and stopped short at the sight before him.

Delwyn, still battered and bruised, was smiling as he played with a remarkably cheerful Hel. He did not even seem to mind that the new object of Hel's amusement was Delwyn's hair. Seeing them together, Amancio could pick out the family resemblance.

Bother it.

"If you have dragged in the authorities, I have no doubt they would insist upon your taking the child. I cannot see anyone agreeing to let a demon raise a human child."

Delwyn paused, and lowered Hel to his lap. "Um. Well. I'd make a lousy father. My own sister just finished beating me up. Granted she had a warlock and some ogres but still. Hel seems happy here, and obviously the stench of blood doesn't upset him. He's shaping up to be a fine demon."

Amancio smiled despite himself and bent to retrieve Hel, waiting as Delwyn climbed to his feet. "Come on," he said. "Hel needs to be put back to bed, then we can get cleaned up." He snickered. "A noble knight coming to the rescue of a demon, I think that must the first and last time that will ever happen."

A flush stained Delwyn's cheeks, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I know, I know. Stupid. As well as annoying." He sighed, shoulders sagging. "Also useless, even after twenty years." He grimaced. "I'd been doing so well, then I come rushing back here and I'm right back to being Pest."

What? Amancio remained silent as they made their slow way through the halls to his bedroom, getting Hel cleaned and settled in his bed. When he was certain not even another warlock attack would wake his baby, he turned back to Delwyn, dragging him out to the balcony to talk.

"So—why didn't you attack me when you first heard I'd kidnapped your nephew? You could have killed me for it and I doubt most would have looked twice at the matter. That stupid plan of your sister's was actually clever in its simplicity. What's all this about being stupid and annoying and useless? You're acting strange, even for a human."

"That's all I am!" Delwyn exclaimed, the words rushing out like water from a busted damn. "That's all you called me growing up. Pest. Annoyance. Stupid human. Idiot. Useless, aggravating idiot. No matter what I did!" He shoved his hair from his face and turned sharply away. "It didn't matter what I said or did, you only found me annoying. I finally gave up and left, attempted to forget about you. Twenty years, you'd think, would be enough. I thought it was. Then my sister said you'd kidnapped her child and everything came rushing right back. I couldn't believe it, but I couldn't not believe my sister."

Wait a second. No bloody way in all the levels of hell.

Is that what all that nonsense twenty years ago had been about? Humans were the most confounding… "You want me," he said, and might have doubted his own words except for the way Delwyn's shoulders hunched and the guilty flush which darkened his cheeks. "Even after all these years, you still want me?"

"I didn't think so until I saw you again," Delwyn muttered, attempting to stare a hole in the floor. "I guess you're just that pretty."

Amancio laughed long and loud and hard, clutching at his sides.

Delwyn looked stricken, and moved toward the balcony railing.

Realizing how his laughter must seem, Amancio lunged and just kept him from escaping over the balcony.

"Let me go, you stupid de—"

For a human, he tasted remarkably good. Of course, Amancio had only ever bedded three other humans in his life, and those had not been knights with lifelong crushes on him. Maybe that improved the flavor.

The struggling bundle of human in his arms abruptly calmed, and Amancio rumbled approval as Delwyn began to kiss him back. Twenty years obviously gave a human plenty of time to acquire all manner of skill.

It was rather awkward, really, with the armor and the bruises and they could both use a bath…but on the whole Amancio was pleased. He broke the kiss and laughed again. "Humans are silly."

"You didn't have to laugh at me, you stupid demon," Delwyn said.

"Not you, pretty knight," Amancio replied. "This entire situation. What a night. Now I seem to have acquired two humans. Ah, well. Tula likes feeding you, and I'd been entertaining thoughts of seducing you anyway."

Delwyn frowned. "You never seemed to like me."

"You were constantly trying to drive me crazy," Amancio replied, lightly stroking Delwyn's cheek with his claws. "Not to mention you were only a child. You've grown into a fine man, and you're not as stupid as I first thought. Anyway, Hel should have some family around to help raise him and I still don't know much about babies."

"Um—" Delwyn broke off, still frowning, and he looked so ridiculously cute and flustered that Amancio did not even bother to resist kissing him.

Mmm, yes. He rather liked the taste of knight. This one he might have to keep around for a long while. A very long while.

Delwyn kissed him back with an enthusiasm that left Amancio reeling.

Maybe there was hope for humans yet.