Hehehe

[maderr]

So, the other day at work, the tech guys in to do stuff could not get my computer to admit my scanner existed. All was well, the comp was just 'no, it's not there, sorry' even though it was. But, the whole time I was laughing at them for not listening to me, cause I work with the fuckers every day all I could think was Eddie Izzard: "Cannot access printer. It's here. I can access printer."

This routine is years old, but god, it's still so fucking funny.

Comments

[laeticiav.livejournal.com]

That was hysterical. I love Eddie Izzard and I only just got into him, so there's still lots I haven't seen :).

[niravive.livejournal.com]

*dies giggling* yeah, that sounds right. right down the American general saying "bloody". thanks for reminding me about this one. XD

[lady-oneiros.livejournal.com]

Eddie Izzard is the epitome of brilliance.

[(Anonymous)]

I was just having problems with my computer, and this was exactly what I needed. So I am so glad that you posted it. It was funny, helpful and made me relaxed. So yeah, thumbs up. :)

[carl-ash.livejournal.com]

Not that it matters much, hehe, but I just want to say that the above post was by me. I didn't realize I was not signed in.

[spy-c.livejournal.com]

OMG! I can't believe there is someone else besides me that knows Eddie Izzard. Every time I talk to one of my friends about him it's always: "Wait who? Who's that? Never heard of him."

And, this one is always one of my favorites because it is so true.

BAH!Hahahaha

[(Anonymous)]

That made my life brighter. That may be the booze talking, but probably not (I loves me some Eddie Izzard).

[escagirluk.livejournal.com]

I have never actually watched any of his stuff. I should, he's pretty funny.

(The only time I ever saw him he was playing a music group manager in the movie Velvet Goldmine.)

But. So true. So very very true. I've done that, the not turning on the printer. Usually my sister points it out, though.

[aggybird.livejournal.com]

HEY YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS FUNNY? CLOWN PORN.

Bobo finished painting on the rest of his face - taking extra care with the black frown around his mouth - and adjusted his blue wig. He looked himself over critically in the mirror. Unlike the other clowns, his rubber nose was black instead of red because he was the saddest little clown of all.

Sometimes he hated this job.

He was bending over to tie his big, floppy shoes when he heard someone enter the room behind him.

[avalon13.livejournal.com]

"Bo," The whisper came from right behind his ear, lips sticky with red face paint trailing over the curve of his ear. "Why so serious?" This is accentuated with a hand, clad in gloves so thick they are like the hands of Mickey Mouse, curving over his ass. "You shouldn't be." The hands move until they are at the front of his trousers, and fingers which ought to be clumsy in such gloves, pick nimbly at the fly of his baggy neon yellow paisley pants. He turns around, it is Binky, the star Clown of The Show.

[aggybird.livejournal.com]

"B-Binky," Bobo stuttered. He gasped as Binky's thick-gloved hands squeezed his cock through the thin, polka-dotted fabric.

This was too dangerous. He thought they'd agreed to quell their dangerous yearning for one another. They had their careers to think about, after all.

It had all started weeks ago. Bobo blamed the seltzer water.

He'd been setting up for the fountain of tears gag, adjusting the tubes inside his costume that were supposed to spray water out as though he were crying, when the main hose came loose from the canister. Seltzer water gushed everywhere, plastering his blue wig to his head and soaking his clown suit.

He had cursed and begun to strip when Binky walked into the room. Binky, with his perfect red hair and his manic grin and his limitless bag of tricks. Bobo would never be the kind of clown Binky was.

Binky had stopped dead in his tracks. "Hey there, little wet clown. I don't remember seeing you around before."

Bobo had been almost too shocked to speak.

"You have a name?" Binky asked, sauntering over. His hooped trousers swayed as he walked.

Bobo licked his lips, mesmerized. "Bobo," he said softly.

Binky's shoes squeaked as he got closer. Bobo thought he'd never heard such a beautiful sound in his life.

"Nice to meet you, Bobo," Binky had said. He reached up and honked Bobo's nose.

Bobo moaned softly. The nose was one of the clown's most erotic zones.

"I've got a new act," Binky whispered into his hair. "With balloon animals. Want me to show you?"

Bobo gulped and nodded his head. Binky's eyes, shadowed in bright green glitter and sparkling pink, were impossible to look away from.

"But first we have to get you out of those wet clothes," Binky said. He grinned from ear to ear, and his smile stretched wider. Some of the red face paint had stained his teeth lurid crimson.

Before Bobo really knew what was happening, his trousers were around his ankles and Binky had him bent over the makeup table, his face pressed into a ratty hat that he used for his third act.

"We need to loosen you up a bit," Binky murmured, his hot breath ghosting over Bobo's puckered entrance. Bobo felt fingers playing around the edge of his ass, spreading his cheeks wider, and then something small and slippery and rubber was slowly inserted inside.

"What - ?" he gasped out.

"Sshhh," Binky said. He lowered his mouth and started blowing up the balloon.

Bobo moaned as he felt his insides stretch. The balloon squeaked inside him, burning him as it slowly filled. "Please," he begged. "No more."

Binky took a break, pinching the end of the balloon. "Oh no," he said. "We're just getting started. You'll like this." Then he let some of the air out of the balloon. Bobo moaned as the pressure lessened, but his moan was cut short as Binky blew up the balloon again, impossibly large.

Bobo's eyes rolled up in his head as Binky balloon-fucked him, sometimes slowly blowing up the balloon and letting the air out, other times blowing quick hard gusts that made Bobo tremble and writhe. But Binky's large hands pinned him to the table and he couldn't move. It seemed to go on for hours before he was coming, coming so hard.

"Binky!" he cried out.

"That was act one," Binky had said, licking the sweat from the back of his neck. "Wait until you see what I do with the squirting flower for act two."

Bobo was abruptly brought back to the present as he felt Binky push his suspenders off his shoulder.

"Binky," Bobo said. "Stop it. The show's about to start."

[avalon13.livejournal.com]

"I'd say fuck the show," Binky nips lightly at his ears, "-But I'd rather be fucking you." Bobo moans loudly, as his hips thrust back unbidden, and the head of Binky's cock presses against his entrance. He throws his head back, and shudders as Binky buries his face in his blue hair, then mouths wetly at his shoulder.

"Binky," he gasps, "Please. The show. It must go on." He tried feebly to escape, but is easily overpowered by the bigger, stronger, and funnier Binky. He tsks.

"Such a bad clown you've been, Bobo," he says, with honking harmonics in his voice. It's one of his tricks. Where his speech would be accented perfectly with honks. Oh, the laughter it could bring forth. Bobo shudders once again. "I may just have. To. Punish You." Binky says this and licks the shell of his ear once more. Then, holding his wrists in one hand, Binky uses the other to reach for the tied cloths they use in the cloth eating trick and tie his hands together. Binky makes a purring sound that ends with a sultry 'honk'. Bobo doesn't think he's ever heard a sexier sound in his life. "You should see yourself, Bo. Spread out below me, so pretty, so fine."

"P-please, Binky. Don't do this." The hands that had been torturing and tying him up minutes ago now stroked the curve of hip, and dipped down to stroke his cock.

"Oh, but you want it, little clown, I know you do." And with that, he pulls the squirting flower from his lapel, and perhaps with more force than necessary, pulls the flower head off the long thin tube. Bobo watches him do this in the reflection of the make up mirror. He swallows, and all he can taste is his face paint and a little fear. Then Binky is whispering, "You'll love this, I know it."

The next moment, he is biting his lips to stop himself from screaming in pain and pleasure as the tube is slid in, bit by bit, down his urethra. He trembles beneath the other clown, and tells himself he'll be okay if he can just breathe.

The pain is almost drowned out by the pleasure, which is immense. Sharp and blinding, but incomplete. He doesn't want to say it, but-

"Say it," murmurs Binky in his ear. "Say it and I'll let you come." He tenses before his head falls, and makes a dull thud against the table he is bent over. He turns it enough so that one glittery shadowed eye looks straight into Binky's,

"F-fuck me, please."

[aggybird.livejournal.com]

"Such lovely words," Binky said approvingly. "Oh Bo, that little tremble your voice gets - the little meep meep sound of your voice. But I don't want your voice right now. I want your moans."

Bobo was helpless to stop Binky as he ripped off Bobo's rubber nose and shoved it into his mouth, gagging him.

"Don't you dare spit that out," Binky warned. "I want your sweet mouth stretched wide."

Bobo nodded, feeling saliva pool around the ball and dribble from his mouth. He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of some of the spit but before long his chin was wet and shiny with it, and he was making obscene slurping noises to try and stop the flow.

Binky leaned down and licked the spit from his chin. "Mm," he said appreciatively. "You're using the vanilla flavored facepaint. Good boy. I think I should reward you for that." He squeezed Bobo's cock, and Bobo bit back a scream as waves of pain and pleasure crashed through his body. He could still feel the thin tube in his cock, foreign and wrong and so hot.

He moaned around the gag and felt Binky move behind him. Binky grabbed a tube of neon purple face paint off the table - non-toxic, thank God - and used it to lube up Bobo's ass.

"Look how pretty and purple your hole is," Binky said, spreading his cheeks. "Just waiting for me."

"S-stop," Bobo tried to sputter around the gag. "Don't - don't look." But all that came out were garbled words and saliva. His face and neck were wet and sloppy and the black grease paint around his mouth was running.

He felt the head of Binky's cock nudge his entrance. "I'm going to fuck you so hard I hit your funny bone," Binky hissed, thrusting in and squeezing Bobo's cock at the same time.

This time Bobo did scream, the ball flying from his mouth as Binky pounded into him. Binky's cock was so huge - Bobo was always afraid it wouldn't fit. But just like the trick of twenty clowns piling into a small car, Binky somehow managed to slide his thick cock into Bobo's tight hole.

Binky fucked him hard, never letting up, alternating between stroking Bobo's stomach and tugging on his cock. Bobo whimpered and cried out, stars exploding behind his eyes.

As he came, Binky pumped the dispenser on the squirting flower and a thin trickle of water shot down Bobo's cock. He shrieked, clawing at the table, the burning feeling making him want to die.

"Binky, Binky," he sobbed. "Take it out, take it - oh God."

But Binky didn't listen - he gave a few shallow thrusts, spilling hot come inside Bobo. Then he pulled out and shoved his fingers into Bobo's ass, curling them just right. They found Bobo's prostate and he was coming, oh God, he was coming, he could feel it ooze around the tube and dribble from the slit in his cock. He sobbed against the table as Binky pulled the tube out.

"So hot," Binky murmured, tonguing Bobo's ear. "You love what I do for you. Now you're gonna do for me. Suck me. Suck all that purple off my dick." His large, gloved hands hauled Bobo up and spun him around, pressing him back into the table.

Bobo moaned, feeling boneless. He honked weakly in protest. Binky was insatiable.

[avalon13.livejournal.com]

He slides boneleesly to his knees, and eyes the long, thick and purple cock in front of him. His throat closes up.

"Binky," he whispers, "I can't. It's too big." Movement from Binky makes him flinch, he's sure the other clown will hit him, but there only a gloved hand tipping his face up, squeezing his nose with a soft 'honk'.

Bobo shudders, and feels a low throb of arousal. He feels ultra sensitive and fidgets as he feels the warm trickle of come domwn his thighs.

"Hey," says Binky, "You're the clown who can stuff an entire custard pie in your mouth. A cock like this," he gestures towards the purple cock in question, which bobs like a living purple dildo, "It's nothing for you." Bobo nuzzles into that gloved hand and takes a breath.

"I-I'll give it a shot." And with that, leans forward to gives the cock a long lick. He thanks whatever clown gods there are that face paint is edible. It's blueberry flavoured, and under that he can taste the heavy musk of Binky and himself. The thought send another tingle of desire through him and befor ehe knows it half of Binky's cock is down his throat, and his fingers are buried in Bobo's hair.

"Shit, Bo, shit, shit, shit," he pants wildly. Bobo knows that it is only his tenuous control that stops Binky from thrusting wildly and choking him completely. But this...

Binky's eyes are half shut, and the look on his face is so hot, lips crimson, damp and parted, the white face of his glistening with sweat. It makes him feel a little bit wilder, a little bit more daring. He opens up his throat more and takes Binky in to the hilt. The strangled scream is like a symphony of honks to his ears. He looks up at the other clown as profanity and endearments fall from his lips.

"So fucking good, Bo, so hot, fuck. Yes." He smiles around the cock in his mouth and reaches to pull off his little black nose. He palms it in his hand and pulls his mouth off the cock in front of him long enough to give a wicked little smirk and wet the nose with his tongue. Binky barely has time to complain before that small, cold little black nose is pushed p his entrance, without any other preparation.

His hands tighten in Bobo's hair, as he arches his backs and gives another little scream, with honks in it. It's so hot, Bobo can't resist but to snake his hand down and squeeze himself a little, eyes falling shut and mouth open and panting. But he still has a job to do and his eyes snap open again. He leans forward and engulfs Binky's cock once more.

He swirls his tongue around the head, the heat and press of it against his lips, before swallowing his cheeks and sucking hard. He feels when the other clown is close to the edge. Muscles bunch and release beneath his hands, and the honks in his voice become more frequent as if in tandem with his heartbeat.

The moment Binky's whole body tenses, he slips his fingers behind his balls again and pass the tight muscle of his entrance until he reaches the little black nose. Bobo pulls it out just as Binky comes.

"Fuck, oh fuck!" He comes long and hard down Bobo's throat, almost sobbing with pleasure. Bobo could listen all day.

[scary-sushi.livejournal.com]

...OH. MY. GOD. *DED*

AJKDSHKJHFSDJKFGDKSFSDK YOU = WARNING SRSLY. HOW CAN I GO BACK TO WORK NOW?

[avalon13.livejournal.com]

BUT YOU MUST.

[aggybird.livejournal.com]

Bobo pulled off, a thick trail of spit joining his mouth to Binky's wet, blushing cock. He swallowed and his tongue darted out to lick the spattering of come off his lips. All around his mouth was smeared purple and black.

"Such a slut," Binky murmured fondly as he threaded his fingers through Bobo's wig. He pulled Bobo up and they kissed, their tongues tangling together with the taste of Binky's come.

"You'd better get cleaned up," Binky murmured wickedly, pushing Bobo away. "But meet me back in your dressing room after the final act. I'm going to borrow the Ringmaster's whip. Don't think I forgot that you disobeyed ME and spit your gag out."

Bobo shivered. "Yes, Binky," he said quietly.

"Wear that wig I like - the one with the pigtails," Binky added, smirking and eyeing Bobo up and down. "I think I'll bring some custard pie, too." He slapped Bobo's ass and left.

Bobo swallowed. Binky did very... specific things with custard pie. He had a vicious sweet-tooth.


....


THE END. D:

[aggybird.livejournal.com]

We are not actually sorry at all. :D

[avalon13.livejournal.com]

END. AREN'T WE ALL GLAD IT'S OVER?

[scary-sushi.livejournal.com]

MY EYES, THEY BURN ALONG WITH MY FRIED BRAIN.

...SM CLOWNS THAT HONK. THERE ARE NO WORDS. AND I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT THE FLOWER RUBE.

[scary-sushi.livejournal.com]

...SEE, I CAN'T EVEN TYPE ANYMORE.

It's supposed to be *tube. What the hell is a rube anyways? Should have mistyped with an 'l', at least it would have made an insane amount of sense O.O

[niravive.livejournal.com]

...that... I'm not sure I have words..... *blinks* *rereads* nope. I got nuthin'.

[dmlpacker.livejournal.com]

Ummm. Ummmm. *scrambles around trying to collect the brain matter that leaked out of her ears* You and aggybird should collaborate more often - though I feel somewhat disturbed that you two made clowns so...hot...

[(Anonymous)]

ahhahahahahahahahaha!!! *Dies laughing* okay, my WTFROFLMAO-scale was just broken. y'see, it ends at pensmut. congratulations, really, it's a feat!

I will cackle myself to sleep now.

...which will be weird....... hopefully no-one'll hear me.....

[spurious-sanity.livejournal.com]

....and that would be me replying in the wrong browser window.... FAIL. -___-;;