Five things meme
Feb. 17th, 2009 07:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maderrMeme gotten from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cynbaby.
The need to write
Writing was something I put on a pedestal for years and years. I never thought I was 'right' for a writer, and am easily intimiated by such things, that it never even occured to me to try. I think I made an attempt, way back in the day, but my cousin read it and made such fun of me that I gave up. Did not really try again until college, and that was oddly enough due to fanfiction. I figured, with all the bad stories out there, one more from me could not hurt. But, I found I did not suck entirely. After that, I just could not stop. I've always told myself stories in my head, since that is where I live best. Being hideously shy growing up, I often had only myself to talk to--but around people I'm comfortable, I love to tell stories. So, I guess it was always there. Once I found I could write, it turned into a need. I am not happy when I go days without writing. I seriously get antsy, and eventually flat out tense and cranky. The voices in my head make way more sense to me than the ones outside, so I am happiest when I am writing.
Fairytales
There is nothing cooler than fairytales. They're simple, and have so much potential it's ridiculous. They are also the most solid proof that a story can be told a thousand times, and still be interesting. There are like thousands of Cinderella stories out, as well as Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, BatB...my sister took a fairytale course, once, and I totally took it through her at times. It's just plain cool what the fairytales convey, what their original purposes were (lessons, erotica, etc) and how they can be changed. I do not lie when I say I could have a blast writing Cinderella a dozen or more ways myself. If I thought people could actually stand to read an entire book of Cinderella rewrites, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Nothing is more fun than taking a story, a concept, and making it your own, and fairytales provide the best basis for this, imho. Even back in the day when I did not write, I would read them and change them in my head.
Books, reading, not writing
Books are my life. Maybe, reading is my life, would be more accurate. I kind of group reading and writing together, because they affect me in such similiar ways--they make me the happiest, I spend loads of time doing both, and if I am kept from doing either for too long, I am less than pleasant to be around. But books, and reading, made me who I am, for better or worse. Growing up, I travelled alot and was not very good at making friends. In a new school every three years, unable to string words together, and not really interested in doing so most of the time--I read and read and read. Romances, fantasy, horror, suspense, mysteries, whatever I could find. Back in school and stuff, I could read a whole book in a day--in a few hours. I caught unmitigated hell from my classmates the day of one of our end of years exams. See, I had to be there, but I was exempt from taking them. So I knew I would be sitting in school all day doing nothing. So...I brought two books. This was made fun of--but it was worse when my classmates saw I finished the first, and started the second. But, the focus that makes me so good at a lot of other things came from my obsession with books. I wanted to do nothing but read, and literally taught myself to block out every single noise around me to focus. So I am very very good at focusing, when I want.
What time I do not spend writing, I spend reading, and when I am doing neither of those, I am thinking about doing them while forced to do other things. Very rarely is my head without a story, whatever the source of it.
Jobs that suck (sommething we share)
I am very good at being a bitch, because that is what I have been throughout most of my working life. I hated Little Caesars because it taught my quite painfully just what assholes people can be over the dumbest shit. To this day, it blows me away how petty people can be. No one is grateful for a single fucking thing, and the sense of entitlement makes me want to stab people Being polite gets one much further. For instance, I was at the ATM the other day, and it shorted me $20.00. I was upset, but well, shit happens. I emailed my bank, asked if they could help but said I understood if the problem was at my end (I was not certain if I had lost the tweny, or if the ATM had not given it, for reasons not worth laying out here). But, they investigated, found it was the ATM, and today sent me a letter saying the money would be returned to me. I didn't have to shout or get nasty with anyone--but I know all too well that most people would been jerks about it.
I really fucking hate working for lawyers. They have all this schooling, they make all this money, they have so much talent and knowledge...and they treat the rest of us like we're scum. Like we're stupid. I never want to be wealthy or famous because apparently that requires turning into a goddamn jerk most of the time. I hate it so much. What's so fucking difficult about being kind that no one can manage it? Yes, I'm sorry I typed that wrong, I'm sorry I mailed this wrong, I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you, who can never fucking remember to sign everything and so the shit got sent back anyway, jackass.
Seriously. There is nothing quite like knowing that no matter how hard you work, no matter how many problems you fix, no matter what you do--it's never good enough, because you don't have fancy degrees and make almost six figures a year and wear designer clothes, and all the rest of it. Little Caesars pissed me off, but working where I do now is breaking me. I've gone from rawr! to total apathy.
Driving
I'm much calmer now than I was a couple of weeks ago, but I'm still anxious and edgy. I can't relax while driving, there are too many things that could go wrong and all that. I hate not being in complete or mostly complete control.
Mostly, I just don't trust myself. I'm a space cadet. I live in my own head. Someday, my focus will slip away from the driving, and I'll realize it too late. I could live with hurting me, I think. But if my unwitting carelessness ever hurt or killed someone else, I would not be able to bear it. I really think it would destroy me.
But, I like my car. I like being in it, my own little place where no one else can tell me what the fuck to do. My space, my music, my haven. The driving stresses me out, but I love my car.
Association Meme: Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.
cynbaby. The need to write
Writing was something I put on a pedestal for years and years. I never thought I was 'right' for a writer, and am easily intimiated by such things, that it never even occured to me to try. I think I made an attempt, way back in the day, but my cousin read it and made such fun of me that I gave up. Did not really try again until college, and that was oddly enough due to fanfiction. I figured, with all the bad stories out there, one more from me could not hurt. But, I found I did not suck entirely. After that, I just could not stop. I've always told myself stories in my head, since that is where I live best. Being hideously shy growing up, I often had only myself to talk to--but around people I'm comfortable, I love to tell stories. So, I guess it was always there. Once I found I could write, it turned into a need. I am not happy when I go days without writing. I seriously get antsy, and eventually flat out tense and cranky. The voices in my head make way more sense to me than the ones outside, so I am happiest when I am writing.
Fairytales
There is nothing cooler than fairytales. They're simple, and have so much potential it's ridiculous. They are also the most solid proof that a story can be told a thousand times, and still be interesting. There are like thousands of Cinderella stories out, as well as Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, BatB...my sister took a fairytale course, once, and I totally took it through her at times. It's just plain cool what the fairytales convey, what their original purposes were (lessons, erotica, etc) and how they can be changed. I do not lie when I say I could have a blast writing Cinderella a dozen or more ways myself. If I thought people could actually stand to read an entire book of Cinderella rewrites, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Nothing is more fun than taking a story, a concept, and making it your own, and fairytales provide the best basis for this, imho. Even back in the day when I did not write, I would read them and change them in my head.
Books, reading, not writing
Books are my life. Maybe, reading is my life, would be more accurate. I kind of group reading and writing together, because they affect me in such similiar ways--they make me the happiest, I spend loads of time doing both, and if I am kept from doing either for too long, I am less than pleasant to be around. But books, and reading, made me who I am, for better or worse. Growing up, I travelled alot and was not very good at making friends. In a new school every three years, unable to string words together, and not really interested in doing so most of the time--I read and read and read. Romances, fantasy, horror, suspense, mysteries, whatever I could find. Back in school and stuff, I could read a whole book in a day--in a few hours. I caught unmitigated hell from my classmates the day of one of our end of years exams. See, I had to be there, but I was exempt from taking them. So I knew I would be sitting in school all day doing nothing. So...I brought two books. This was made fun of--but it was worse when my classmates saw I finished the first, and started the second. But, the focus that makes me so good at a lot of other things came from my obsession with books. I wanted to do nothing but read, and literally taught myself to block out every single noise around me to focus. So I am very very good at focusing, when I want.
What time I do not spend writing, I spend reading, and when I am doing neither of those, I am thinking about doing them while forced to do other things. Very rarely is my head without a story, whatever the source of it.
Jobs that suck (sommething we share)
I am very good at being a bitch, because that is what I have been throughout most of my working life. I hated Little Caesars because it taught my quite painfully just what assholes people can be over the dumbest shit. To this day, it blows me away how petty people can be. No one is grateful for a single fucking thing, and the sense of entitlement makes me want to stab people Being polite gets one much further. For instance, I was at the ATM the other day, and it shorted me $20.00. I was upset, but well, shit happens. I emailed my bank, asked if they could help but said I understood if the problem was at my end (I was not certain if I had lost the tweny, or if the ATM had not given it, for reasons not worth laying out here). But, they investigated, found it was the ATM, and today sent me a letter saying the money would be returned to me. I didn't have to shout or get nasty with anyone--but I know all too well that most people would been jerks about it.
I really fucking hate working for lawyers. They have all this schooling, they make all this money, they have so much talent and knowledge...and they treat the rest of us like we're scum. Like we're stupid. I never want to be wealthy or famous because apparently that requires turning into a goddamn jerk most of the time. I hate it so much. What's so fucking difficult about being kind that no one can manage it? Yes, I'm sorry I typed that wrong, I'm sorry I mailed this wrong, I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you, who can never fucking remember to sign everything and so the shit got sent back anyway, jackass.
Seriously. There is nothing quite like knowing that no matter how hard you work, no matter how many problems you fix, no matter what you do--it's never good enough, because you don't have fancy degrees and make almost six figures a year and wear designer clothes, and all the rest of it. Little Caesars pissed me off, but working where I do now is breaking me. I've gone from rawr! to total apathy.
Driving
I'm much calmer now than I was a couple of weeks ago, but I'm still anxious and edgy. I can't relax while driving, there are too many things that could go wrong and all that. I hate not being in complete or mostly complete control.
Mostly, I just don't trust myself. I'm a space cadet. I live in my own head. Someday, my focus will slip away from the driving, and I'll realize it too late. I could live with hurting me, I think. But if my unwitting carelessness ever hurt or killed someone else, I would not be able to bear it. I really think it would destroy me.
But, I like my car. I like being in it, my own little place where no one else can tell me what the fuck to do. My space, my music, my haven. The driving stresses me out, but I love my car.
Association Meme: Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-18 04:08 am (UTC)Thank you, sweetheart. That's why more than I deserve, but in light of reading outright hatred of me tonight, it means a lot to hear that. If I'm worth anything, it's because you and the others make it so.