under 1000!
Jun. 4th, 2004 05:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maderrI can actually write a story under 1000 words - even if it's too idiotic for words. But I read the rhyme and had to write it. It's Friday, what can I say? This is for the Textual Fortitude Contest at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
yaoi, and is it bad that I'm misusing nursery rhymes now?
The Queen of Hearts,
She made some tarts
All on a summer's day.
"Geoffrey!" Michelle roared furiously for her son. She stood beside a small, delicate table on her private balcony overlooking the royal gardens. At the center of the table was an ornate silver tray, empty save for a few crumbs.
A minute later a young man appeared, his expression concerned. "Mother? Is something wrong?" He took in the fury that filled the dowager queen's age-lined face and sighed, "What did he do this time?"
"That-that-that thing of yours has taken off with my tarts! I had those specially made just for today. I'm having tea with my sister and you know how much she likes my summer tarts. Find him and bring them back! And do something with that idiotic jester of yours while you're at it!" Still in a rage she half through her small frame into one of two seats on the balcony, crossing her arms and muttering angrily beneath her breath.
Torn between a laugh and a groan, the young king paused to think a moment. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the hot sun after being stuck indoors all morning and into the afternoon.
He opened his eyes, realization hitting him. "I'll have your tarts back in a bit, mother. If anyone comes looking for them, tell them to just wait." Stepping past his grumbling mother he flew down the steps of the balcony and into the massive garden, toward the back and the small grove of trees there.
The Knave of Hearts,
He stole the tarts
And took them clean away.
Nick snickered quietly as he caught the sound of the Queen's shouts. Patches of sunlight broke through the canopy of leaves overhead, adding just enough warmth to the shaded grove to make it pleasant and not the overwhelming heat that plagued the rest of the garden.
"I wonder how long it will take him." Lazily he reclined on the short bench, his legs from the knee down hanging off one edge, his unruly black hair falling off the other. Blue eyes drifted shut as he waited for the sound of displeased footsteps crashing through the garden.
He hummed quietly as he waited, enjoying the smell of the trees and sunlight. The garden was the best place to be in the summer, warm and bright and free of the pesky wildlife that made going outside the palace a bother.
Of course he liked the garden even more when there was a certain someone in it with him…someone who was taking far too long in finding him. Nick's humming faded as his thoughts soured. Maybe he really had gone too far this time - he could only get away with antagonizing the old biddy so many times before they all finally lost patience with him.
But so long as he got what he wanted out of the stunt he really didn't care what the ultimate consequences were. Honestly, if the idiot woman just looked under the table instead of immediately screaming…
"Somehow I knew you'd be here."
Nick jumped in surprise.
The King of Hearts,
Called for the tarts
And beat the Knave full sore.
"Give the tarts back, Nick. Honestly, you're childish pranks are going to be the death of us both."
Sitting up slowly, Nick made a face at the King. "I didn't even take them, Geoff. I hid them. If she lifted up all that ridiculous lace covering the table she'd have her silly tarts back. Honestly, I'm disappointed you didn't figure that out. I'm only crazy about you. Nothing else."
The King looked at him a moment, then started laughing. "Nick, what am I going to do with you? One more stunt and my mother is going to demand I have you put to death."
Still chuckling he stepped closer to the bench and hauled the dark-haired man to his feet, though Nick was rising even as he pulled. Slender arms twined around the King's neck, the court jester's eager mouth putting an end to anything the king might have said.
Geoffrey broke the kiss a moment later, nipping playfully at Nick's nose. "Is this why you're harassing my mother?"
"That wasn't immediately obvious?" Nick grumbled as he went to work on the fastenings of Geoffrey's elaborate court clothes. "Work, work, work," fingers found heated flesh and he smiled in satisfaction. "Of course they won't let you be to come see me but even they're not dumb enough to ignore your mother when she's howling."
"You're incorrigible." Geoffrey let himself be dragged to the warm carpet of grass, "You could have just waited until tonight."
"No way. You looked bored out of your mind in the courthouse and it's too nice to spend it all inside. Now - do you want to keep discussing this or are you going to punish me for stealing the tarts."
"Oh, definitely punish."
The Knave of Hearts,
Brought back the tarts
And vowed he'd steal no more.
The dowager queen frowned disapprovingly as her son reappeared on her balcony, a grinning court jester right behind him.
Geoffrey smiled at his mother, "Did you ever find your tarts, mother?"
The queen sniffed, "Yes, no thanks to you. My dumpling found them." She pet the small, white dog cuddled on her lap. "Your advisors are in a tizzy looking for you. Did you suitably reprimand him." She cast a withering glare on the man still grinning brightly beside her son.
Nick stepped forward and bowed low before her, "My Queen, do forgive my impertinence. I'm afraid the sun always inspires me in the worst ways." He smiled at her, "I shall steal your tarts no more, if only you'll forgive me, my queen."
"He's been...suitably punished, mother. Now if you will both excuse me, I must get back to work."
yaoi, and is it bad that I'm misusing nursery rhymes now?The Queen of Hearts,
She made some tarts
All on a summer's day.
"Geoffrey!" Michelle roared furiously for her son. She stood beside a small, delicate table on her private balcony overlooking the royal gardens. At the center of the table was an ornate silver tray, empty save for a few crumbs.
A minute later a young man appeared, his expression concerned. "Mother? Is something wrong?" He took in the fury that filled the dowager queen's age-lined face and sighed, "What did he do this time?"
"That-that-that thing of yours has taken off with my tarts! I had those specially made just for today. I'm having tea with my sister and you know how much she likes my summer tarts. Find him and bring them back! And do something with that idiotic jester of yours while you're at it!" Still in a rage she half through her small frame into one of two seats on the balcony, crossing her arms and muttering angrily beneath her breath.
Torn between a laugh and a groan, the young king paused to think a moment. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the hot sun after being stuck indoors all morning and into the afternoon.
He opened his eyes, realization hitting him. "I'll have your tarts back in a bit, mother. If anyone comes looking for them, tell them to just wait." Stepping past his grumbling mother he flew down the steps of the balcony and into the massive garden, toward the back and the small grove of trees there.
The Knave of Hearts,
He stole the tarts
And took them clean away.
Nick snickered quietly as he caught the sound of the Queen's shouts. Patches of sunlight broke through the canopy of leaves overhead, adding just enough warmth to the shaded grove to make it pleasant and not the overwhelming heat that plagued the rest of the garden.
"I wonder how long it will take him." Lazily he reclined on the short bench, his legs from the knee down hanging off one edge, his unruly black hair falling off the other. Blue eyes drifted shut as he waited for the sound of displeased footsteps crashing through the garden.
He hummed quietly as he waited, enjoying the smell of the trees and sunlight. The garden was the best place to be in the summer, warm and bright and free of the pesky wildlife that made going outside the palace a bother.
Of course he liked the garden even more when there was a certain someone in it with him…someone who was taking far too long in finding him. Nick's humming faded as his thoughts soured. Maybe he really had gone too far this time - he could only get away with antagonizing the old biddy so many times before they all finally lost patience with him.
But so long as he got what he wanted out of the stunt he really didn't care what the ultimate consequences were. Honestly, if the idiot woman just looked under the table instead of immediately screaming…
"Somehow I knew you'd be here."
Nick jumped in surprise.
The King of Hearts,
Called for the tarts
And beat the Knave full sore.
"Give the tarts back, Nick. Honestly, you're childish pranks are going to be the death of us both."
Sitting up slowly, Nick made a face at the King. "I didn't even take them, Geoff. I hid them. If she lifted up all that ridiculous lace covering the table she'd have her silly tarts back. Honestly, I'm disappointed you didn't figure that out. I'm only crazy about you. Nothing else."
The King looked at him a moment, then started laughing. "Nick, what am I going to do with you? One more stunt and my mother is going to demand I have you put to death."
Still chuckling he stepped closer to the bench and hauled the dark-haired man to his feet, though Nick was rising even as he pulled. Slender arms twined around the King's neck, the court jester's eager mouth putting an end to anything the king might have said.
Geoffrey broke the kiss a moment later, nipping playfully at Nick's nose. "Is this why you're harassing my mother?"
"That wasn't immediately obvious?" Nick grumbled as he went to work on the fastenings of Geoffrey's elaborate court clothes. "Work, work, work," fingers found heated flesh and he smiled in satisfaction. "Of course they won't let you be to come see me but even they're not dumb enough to ignore your mother when she's howling."
"You're incorrigible." Geoffrey let himself be dragged to the warm carpet of grass, "You could have just waited until tonight."
"No way. You looked bored out of your mind in the courthouse and it's too nice to spend it all inside. Now - do you want to keep discussing this or are you going to punish me for stealing the tarts."
"Oh, definitely punish."
The Knave of Hearts,
Brought back the tarts
And vowed he'd steal no more.
The dowager queen frowned disapprovingly as her son reappeared on her balcony, a grinning court jester right behind him.
Geoffrey smiled at his mother, "Did you ever find your tarts, mother?"
The queen sniffed, "Yes, no thanks to you. My dumpling found them." She pet the small, white dog cuddled on her lap. "Your advisors are in a tizzy looking for you. Did you suitably reprimand him." She cast a withering glare on the man still grinning brightly beside her son.
Nick stepped forward and bowed low before her, "My Queen, do forgive my impertinence. I'm afraid the sun always inspires me in the worst ways." He smiled at her, "I shall steal your tarts no more, if only you'll forgive me, my queen."
"He's been...suitably punished, mother. Now if you will both excuse me, I must get back to work."
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 03:42 pm (UTC)even if it's too idiotic for words
Pfft. Whatever! It isn't.
I liked the levity of it, and I love, love, adore Nick (of whom I am taking home and not giving back *takes character hostage*) and Geoff was a peach, he's so cute.
A part of me really wanted it to be longer and more involved (it's the selfish part, and I tried to beat it with a stick, but it keeps coming back...), but you did manage to have everything tie up neatly at the end. It all fell in place rather nicely and I loved the way it all worked with the rhyme.
I always think I should offer some kind of con crit (god only knows why, because I suck at them) when I read your stuff because I want to be a good reviewer. And okay, so maybe this isn't so much of a crit as it is an observation...the chicks in your stories very often end up being very...bratty. Which is totally cool by me since I tend to think girls are like that most of the time, but every once in a while I wonder how you'd throw a softer kind of girl into a story. Granted, then it gets hard battling the whole Mary Sue issue, and they're only side characters anyway...
...I told you I sucked at crits. -_- *looks at ramble*
But anyway, too cute fic! *tackle glomps* I loved the way that Nick's intentions were golden, but his methods were shady. I also liked Geoff's understated way of dealing with his mother, Nick and the situations. He's definitely a keeper. *glomps them both and tries to make off with them* ^____^ Your characters always just seem so real to me. I can picture them so clearly in my head when I read what you've written.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 03:52 pm (UTC)Actually, I wanted it to be longer too - but I can never manage to write short stuff so I tried to here. Counting me that's three people though that say it should be longer. So I think I'm retiring on the whole short short stories.
I've noticed that my chicks are always mean or something. I don't do it on purpose, it just always works out that way. Especially in the fairytales...I think to date the only nice chick I have is Benny. I'm not good at con crit either, unless it's something so glaringly awful that it's probably already been pointed out.
Your characters always just seem so real to me. I can picture them so clearly in my head when I read what you've written.
That means the world to me. You've made my next three centuries. I'm always anxious to know if I've portrayed them that well, it's good to hear I do.
You are the rockingest, thankee muchly for the comments!
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 06:21 pm (UTC)*is ashamed* I remembered her about five minutes after I posted this, and by that point I was away from the computer and unable to come back. But yes, I think you cut the girls a lot more slack in your longer stories. It's harder in a short story to flesh them out, and they're side characters anyway, so it's not like they have to be. And they aren't all mean. Sometimes they're just charmingly ditzy. Like the girl in your Sleeping Beauty story. :3
I'm always anxious to know if I've portrayed them that well, it's good to hear I do.
Are you kidding? You're amazing at that. There is always something about your characters that makes them so easy to identify with. Sometimes it's the way that they handle their relationships, sometimes it's their attitude, sometimes it's in the situations they find themselves, sometimes it's a combination of them all. I mean, even in a piece this short you manage to make them so wonderfully complex. Nick just had me because to the rest of the world he's a jester, someone who isn't serious, and according to the queen, someone who is rather self centered and problematic. But then you get into why he stole the tarts in the first place and it's not that simple, because part of it is to get Geoff's attention and the other part of it is to just get Geoff out and to get him a break from working so hard. For him, it's a happy coincidence that he gets both. And through Geoff, you really get to see that there is a more serious side to him and you realize that Geoff can see that side quite easily, which is why they're so good together. Being in love should make you a better person, and I think that with each other their better points shine through, and in any romance, that's exactly what I'm looking for. ^-^ (And as much as my love is for Nick, Geoff is a pretty complex guy himself. I don't want to slight him, because I do like the way that he plays "dutiful son". He does the work, he goes through the motions, but with Nick, he's just himself. With Nick, he *can* be himself. And I liked that he had a deviant streak himself. :3)
Geez, and I'm rambly tonight. X_x;;
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 05:40 pm (UTC)I'll pitch in my money on the "I'd like to see more of this" bend.. though, it makes a great short piece by itself. Sometimes just the teaser is the best way to leave it end.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 06:31 pm (UTC)thanks, other Megan. A high compliment, coming from you.
I gues I might be making this longer then, how amusing.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 10:01 pm (UTC)I love these twists... Uwaah, this is pretty short! Heh, but it was an enjoyable way to end the day.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-06 08:47 am (UTC)thankee muchly - and everynoe seems to think it's too short so I'll probably elaborate on it at some point.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-18 08:29 am (UTC)