God*&#$ #*@&ing Pizza!

[maderr]

Tuesdays are traditionally dead. As in, we might possibly reach $1000.00 at the end of the night. But usually not. This means that at most you have: one manger, three crew, four drivers. Okay fine.

Tonight we did over $2000.00, over 700 of it in just two hours. Fine except that this kind of business is hard enough on Thursday, when it's normal and you have at least five crew. Did I mention one of my workers failed to show? And not one single fucking person I called could be bothered to come in and help out?

The only reason anyone in this town is still alive is because the two workers that did show both kick ass. We are the ultra team, we kick ass. I also (for once) had nothing but awesome drivers. Guys that don't need babysitting, which I didn't have the time to do tonight anyway.

I'm so fucking tired though - my one coworker got stuck with all the moping, she was ready to drop. Killing an entire night's energy in two hours is not the best way to do anything. Not to mention the fact that one of my driver's broke the only working register (I broke the other one myself the other day - not my fault, bad timing) so I wasnt' able to add that drawer to the deposit. Ah well, maybe they'll fire me...

Then I had to bike to and from work in the freezing rain (okay, okay - it's only 46 degrees out, but that rain felt like ice)



I have a slight treat for some of you - I don't generally post rough drafts, but I'm really frustrated with this latest chapter and could use any input any one is willing to offer. I can't write children to save my life. As a sidenote, I unwittingly seem to have stolen this chapter's opening scene from my friend amasugiru. I don't think it's entirely the same - different enough that I can do it, but still, I feel really bad. I thought it up on my own, but it parallel's her story so much it's depressing. But I can't change it - this scene is very important so far as a certain character is concerned. I can't change it w/out rewriting large chunks of the story. ramble ramble ramble. I'll shut up now.



"Hey, this is my hiding spot! Go find your own." The boy glared down at the figure huddled in the shadowy corner formed from row after row of shipping crates. Dust stirred in the weak sunlight peeking through the cracks in the board walls.

"I’m sorry…" the figure rose slowly to his feet, his hands going jerkily to his face to wipe away the tears. He moved to walk past the glaring boy, but was stopped. He looked up in surprise.

"Just wait a minute, they'll spot you if you try to leave now and I don't want to get caught. It took me all day to get a chance to run away. C'mon, sit down." The taller boy moved back into the corner, dragging the crying boy with him. Sitting down on the dusty floor of the warehouse, he lifted the small bundle clutched in his left hand. "I'll even give you some food, if you promise not to tell anyone I'm here when you do leave."

"O...okay…" the crying boy once again wiped his face, succeeding only in mixing his tears with the dust that permeated the place. He crouched next to the other boy, silently accepting the pieces of dried fruit handed to him. The two ate in silence for several minutes, listening to the pounding and stamping of the people outside, or farther away in the large, dark warehouse.

"Name's Kinni - who're you?"

"K,Kouri…" the crying boy spoke softly, his voice sad and shaky.

"Why are you crying? Boys aren't supposed to." Kinni frowned.

"I, I'm sorry. I got lost, and I've never been to the docks before alone."

"Oh. Well, I guess they can be kinda confusing…why did you come here? You're from the city, right?"

"Y-yeah." Kouri sniffled, his voice still whisper soft, as though he was afraid of being heard.

"So what're ya doing here?"

Instead of answering, the smaller boy's face crumbled, his sniffling began to turn to sobs. Dismayed, Kinni moved on his knees toward the other boy and placed his hand awkwardly on his shoulders, "Hey, c'mon, don't do that. Boys don't cry, stop it."

"I..I..I don't want to go home." Kouri sobbed, looking blankly at the other through teary eyes. He wiped his eyes, gasping loudly in an attempt to stop crying.

"Then don't. That's no reason to cry." Slowly Kinni removed his hands, sitting back on his heels to look thoughtfully at the other boy, only just visible in the weak light.

"I…think I have to. They'll hurt my sister if I'm not there."

Kinni frowned, "Hurt your sister? Why? Were they hurting you?"

"Yeah…for not doing my lessons right. They'll pick on her if I'm not there." He was back to sniffling - talking seemed to calm him down.

Kinni looked up briefly at the sound of footsteps pounding near their hiding spot, sighing in relief when they continued past and faded away, "You've gotta keep quiet, if they find us now we'll both be in trouble. I don't plan on going back, I don't know about you."

Koori's voice sounded curious, "Where are you going?"

"Dunno - but I'm not going back to that shop. I have some money saved up, I want to buy my way onto a ship. Most don't take on new people unless they have something to offer, ya know?"

Kouri was silent.

"Oh yeah, you're from the city. You wouldn't know I guess - most of the good ships only accept people of good breeding, you know from the academy and all. I'm just an orphan, so I have to bribe my way. I have 700 Paru saved up, that might be good enough for one of the smaller ships." His tone wasn't as confident as his words.

"You're going to be a sailor?" Koori's voice was wistful.

"Yeah, just like my dad was. I'm going to be Captain of the best ship in the world, and I'll use it to bring home the ultimate treasure."

"Why?"

Kinni was offended, "Because that's what you're supposed to do! Sailors travel the world, bringing home treasurers and wonders untold - that's what my dad always told me. He said he once brought home the ultimate treasure, so I'm going to do it too."

"What's the ultimate treasure?" Kouri had ceased to cry.

"Um, well…I don't know yet. My dad never told me, he and my mom just always laughed." Kinni frowned in the darkness. "But I'll find it anyway, don't think I won't."

The wistful tone was back in the smaller boys voice, "I'd like to look for it, to just go far away and not come back for a long time."

Kinni snorted, "Then you should. If you're from the city, they'd probably let you on a ship."

"I don't think I'd be a very good sailor. And besides, I can't leave yet."

"Cause of your sister? I guess I couldn't leave her either, if it was me. Well, why doesn't she run away?"

"She…umm…doesn't want to. She likes it where she is, even if our teachers and all pick on us a lot. They're not mean to her unless I'm gone usually."

"Oh. Why do you let them pick on you? Just yell at them or something."

"I tried that, but my mom just gets mad at me then. She says it's "part of growing up" and that I have to be tough."

"It's because you keep crying that they're so mean. Crying means you're weak - that's what my dad used to tell me when I was a little kid. 'When you want to cry, laugh instead,' that's what my dad used to say. My mom got mad at him for that."

"Laugh?"

"Yeah - when your teacher's pick on you, just laugh at them. It makes them really mad."

"I don't know if I can."

"Well, it's better than crying isn't it?"

"Y, yeah. I guess so."

Kinni opened his mouth to reply, but snapped it shut again at the sound of heavy footsteps drawing closer to their corner. Across from him, Kouri drew a faint, sharp breath and then fell completely silent. The two young boys waited tensely for the steps to move on, growing nervous when they instead stopped on the opposite side of the towering stacks of crates.

"He wouldn't have come this far."

"It's been two day already, he could have."

"Why would he come all the way out here? Let alone inside the warehouses? We're just wasting time."

"Then you suggest where we look."

"I've got an idea, come on."

Heavy feet clomped away, voices receding gradually into silence. Kinni released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He whispered, "Who are those guys?"

"They're looking for me…" Kouri was starting to sound tearful again.

"Hey! Don't start crying again, they'll catch us for sure."

"I..I'm sorry. I don't want to go back! I want to go away - where no one can find me. But I can't!" The boy broke down into renewed sobs, and panicked Kinni surged forward, dragging the other boy close against his chest to muffle the sound of his sobs. "Then just leave - no one is making you stay."

"I c,can't…my sister needs me and, and…"Kouri wrapped his arms around the other boy, still sobbing.

"And what? Stop crying, c'mon…" Kinni patted the other boy's back before settling for simply hugging him.

"No-no one would take me on their ship."

"Why not?"

"No one likes me!"

"Aw, that's not true. You have your parents, right? And your sister?"

Kouri only cried.

"Wrong answer I guess," Kinni muttered to himself. "Well, I like you - even if you cry a lot."

"You just met me."

"So? That doesn't mean I can't like you. I only hate mean people, and you cry too much to be a mean person. But if you get us caught because of the noise you're making, I'm going to be mad."

"S,sorry…I'll s,stop." Instead of pulling away, the boy only pressed himself closer to Kinni, shuddering slightly as he forced himself to stop crying.

Kinni looked frantically around the dark space for a distraction, embarrassed over the way the other boy clung to him. He spotted something he had not noticed before, "Is that your bag?"

"Huh?" Kouri looked up, shifting to look at the space Kinni was staring at, "Oh, yeah. It's some food and stuff I brought with me. I was going to run away, but I got lost at the docks and hid in here yesterday."

Kinni started, "You've been in here an entire day? I never stay here longer than a few hours, wow. Is there any food left? I had to skip lunch to get here."

"Some fruit I think," Kouri pulled away wiped his eyes one last time, smearing his face further with the dust that hung in the air.

Kinni moved to grab the bag, digging eagerly into it for the promised fruit, "Wow, oranges! These are my favorite."

"There should be some pears too…" Kouri crawled over to join him, digging out a pear and biting into one. For several long minutes the small space was filled with the scent of fruit and the sounds of biting and chewing.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand Kinni grinned in the fading light and reached for the pack, "What else do you have in here?"

"Not much, just some more fruit, another tunic and my dagger…" Kouri leaned over, rifling through the pack and withdrawing something. He held the object out to Kinni, who took it carefully in his own hands.

"Wow, it's heavy. What's it made of?"

"I don't know. It was a present from a weird looking woman. You can't tell in here, but it looks like a dragon - it even has these bright blue stones for its eyes."

"Sounds neat," Kinni hefted the dagger again thoughtfully. "I bet you could get a good price for it, if you really wanted." He handed it back, "Come on, they're going to lock the warehouse up for the night in another hour or two. I know a much better place to spend the night." He rose to his feet, holding out a hand to help Kouri stand.

The smaller boy shook his head, "I should go home…it'll only get worse if I stay away much longer…"

Kinni stood in silence, "Well, c'mon then. You don't want to travel around here in the dark. Do you want me to walk you back home? I know a lot of shortcuts through the port town up to the city."

"NO! I'll be fine once I'm away from the port."

Kinni said nothing, merely taking the other boy's hand and guiding him out of the massive warehouse. He stopped just short of the entrance, finally turning back to look at his unexpected warehouse companion. His eyes widened.

The other boy was beautiful - he looked more like a girl than a boy, really. And that was in spite of his bedraggled state. His dark purple hair had at some point been pulled into a knot, but now fell messily around his head, the remains of the knot falling against his right shoulder. His face was streaked with tears and dust, but his eyes remained a stunning dark blue. His clothes were covered in dirt and grime but clearly well made for all that. Kinni shook his head, "You're a mess, I guess you really have been hiding here since yesterday."

Kouri hunched his shoulders, ducking his head in embarrassment. "I'm-"

"Ah, don't say you're sorry again. That's as bad as crying."

The smaller boy just stared back in silent confusion in a moment, before slowly moving to try and straighten his appearance. Lifting his pack, he rifled through it a moment before pulling out a piece of cloth that Kinni realized was a sash - an expensive one. Kouri frowned as the cloth caught on something in the bag. Jerking hard, he freed the sash and sent something heavy tumbling to the ground.

Kinni knelt to pick up the dagger where it lay on the ground, gaping as he examined it in the light. "This…this is High Land Silver - where did you get this? These are saphir! What are you doing with a dagger like this - you could buy your own ship with this!"

"Really? It's worth that much?" Kouri frowned down doubtfully at the older boy.

Kinni stared back up at him through pale, ash blonde hair. His eyes were wide, "Yes, that and more. I work - worked - for a metal merchant."

"You could really buy a ship with it?"

"Dragons, Yes! A ship and more."

Kouri looked thoughtful, his sad face intense, "Then take it - I don't need it."

"What!" Kinni gaped, rising to his feet with the dagger still clutched in his hand, "I can't just take this - you could save yourself and your sister by selling this thing."

"No, I can't." For a moment Kouri looked ready to cry again, but after a moment he seemed to calm, "Just take it. Maybe I can see your ship someday."

Clutching the dagger to his chest, Kinni stood in silence a moment. Finally he moved, tucking the precious item into his own sash, out of sight. Reaching up he reached behind his neck, fiddling with something underneath his shirt. After a moment he pulled a small pendant free, dangling on a slender silver chain. "Here - take this then." Grabbing one of Kinni's hands, he lifted it and dropped the pendant into his palm.

Kouri looked at him, confusion in his face, "What is it?"

"That's my family crest - it used to be my dad's, but I got it when he died." Kinni fell silent a moment, "Dad always said you should never accept extravagant gifts, especially from strangers…but to be honest I know 700 Paru isn't enough to buy my way onto a ship. With this I wouldn't have to worry about anything for a long time. But I can't just accept such a valuable gift, so I'll make you a deal."

"A deal?" Koori's voice was curious, his face intent.

"You said you can't leave because of your sister - but if one day you can run away, come look for me. Look for a ship called the Kumiko, and ask to speak to Captain Kinni. If you have this, I'll know you no matter what. I'll take you away, as far away and to any place you want."

"You…would really do that for me?" The purple haired boy looked ready to cry again, "Why?"

"Because you're giving me this for no reason - I can do whatever I want because of it, including becoming a sailor and saying goodbye to this place forever. So I should do the same for you - that's what my dad would do."

Kouri smiled, and Kinni blinked at the sight of it. He cried out in surprise at the smaller boy's next move - lunging forward to wrap Kinni in a fierce hug. After a moment Kouri broke away, reaching up to fasten the pendant around his own neck. "Then it's a promise - when you have your own ship, you'll take me far, far away."

"Yeah."



"What the--" Kindan jerked awake, blinking in confusion at the figure standing in the doorway. "Shima…"

Deep laughter rumbled from the doorway, "Working hard I see. I came to draw you out of this closet, thinking you could use a break. Clearly you were already enjoying one. With lazy steps, the merchant entered the captain's room. He stopped beside the desk at which Kindan sat, smirking at the still disoriented captain. "You never were very good at waking up. Let's hope there's never a crisis while you're sleeping."

Groaning, Kindan attempted to rise - only to collapse back in his seat as his legs refused to balance him properly, "Shut up."

"Oh, friendly." Still laughing, Raiden left his friend alone to wake up. Idly he skimmed the desk that was littered with papers and books, including the log. He examined it briefly, finding nothing of interest and moving along. A flash of silver caught his eye and he brushed a handful of papers aside to reveal the object hidden beneath them. "Ah, memories. Were you feeling nostalgic, Kin? "

"No, I was trying to remind myself why I put up with you and the company you keep."

Laughing harder, Raiden reached out to tousle his friend's pale hair. "Still sore that you're on the losing side of all your spats? Come now, you should be used to it."

Kindan only stared up darkly at his dark-haired friend.

"Your reasons for 'putting up with me and the company I keep' is sitting in Sanhoshi. Beyond that, you like me despite your efforts not to. Name one other merchant that would have permitted a young upstart to keep a treasure like this." Raiden hefted the dagger he held, the silver gleaming in the lamplight. Brilliant blue jewels sparkled as though on fire when he tossed the sheathed dagger at the now wide-awake Kindan.

"Technically speaking, it belongs to you."

"Quit it - we both now damn good and well that you'd kill me and everyone on this ship before you let me take that blasted thing away from you. You're lucky you're such a damned fine sailor."

Not bothering to answer, Kindan stared down at the dagger clutched in his hand, rubbing a thumb along the intricate carving of a dragon that formed the hilt, blue jewels forming glittering eyes.

"Then it's a promise - when you have your own ship, you'll take me far, far away."

Shaking his head, Kindan looked up at the sound of Raiden's laughter. "Does something amuse you?"

"Only the way your "may the dragons eat you" expression goes all soft when you look at that thing. It's really cute." Raiden was smiling, but the mockery had faded.

"Shut up. What did you want?"

"I came to make you eat dinner with us. With the latest royal addition I'm feeling outnumbered." His expression was rueful.

"You're only getting what you deserve, you know."

"So you keep telling me. I was doing fine until you decided to get into a continuing game of mutual hatred with his Highness. Every fight between the two of you works against me."

Rising smoothly to his feet, Kindan tucked the dagger into his sash. Snorting he stepped past his friend and headed for the door, "Don't blame your mistakes on me. The Prince and I have nothing to do with your situation."

"I'll place blame where I want," the merchant said as he trailed after his friend, toward his own cabin. Reaching it, he opened the door and preceded the captain in. "I'm back, did you miss me Taka?"

"No," was the brief reply.

"You don't need to lie to me, it's best if you're honest about your feelings."

"Honest is it?" Takara rose smoothly from his seat, walking around the desk as Raiden approached, "Then how does 'I hope I never have to see you aga-'" his sentence was abruptly cut off as Raiden covered the secretary's lips with his own, trapping the angry man's head in his hands, preventing his jerking it away.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Kindan strode over to the table and took a seat. He glanced briefly across at the table's other occupants, but at the amused look on the Prince's face he turned away in disgust.

"Something bothering you, Captain?"

Looking back, Kindan didn't bother to hide his contempt. "Only your attitude, but your Highness should know that by now."

"Indeed," Nankyokukai smirked, "But only because the feeling is entirely mutual. You should learn to lighten up Captain, no one is being hurt here."

"What would you know about it? I can't imagine a spoiled prince would have much to complain about, and I don't see anyone trading you off for something as trivial as passage." Kindan waited, fully expecting the Prince to stand and stalk out as he usually did. He was dismayed when instead, the prince's face flashed for a moment in pain before twisting into bitterness as Nankyokukai laughed in a way that was anything but pleasant.

"Captain, I really think you should stop discussing things about which you know nothing about. I keep questioning this intelligence Lord Raiden insists you possess."

"Your opinion of my intelligence means nothing to me."

"Is that why you look so angry then, because it means nothing to you? I'd hate to see how you act if it were to mean something to you." Nankyokukai smirked.

Kindan glared back, willing himself to hold still. "Highness, you're lucky this ship belongs to Raiden, because if it were mine you-"

"Don't you two ever stop?" Gentle laughter spilled across the table from beside the prince, a smile shaping the elegant mouth of the man seated there. "I thought Takara was exaggerating when he said you did this all the time, but clearly he was downplaying things." Culebra laughed again before lifting a wine glass slowly to his lips.

Kindan examined the blind prince, "You are looking much better, Prince Culebra. I take it you are fully recovered from your ordeal?"

"I am doing very well Captain, thank you. Once again, I deeply appreciate your kindness in assisting me." Pale lips smiled at the captain, the bandaged eyes seeming to know exactly where he was. Slate grey hair looked soft in the lamplight, dark against the pale green robes borrowed from Nankyokukai.

"It is nothing - any ship would have assisted you."

"Of that, I am not so sure. But--"

"Ow! Storms Taka, did you have to kick me--"

"Yes, I did. Try that again and you'll really regret it." Spinning on his heel, Takara stalked over to the table, sitting down in a huff at the end of the table, with Nankyokukai and Kindan on either side of him. Angrily he glared at the prince, who only lifted his own wind glass and smiled behind it.

Kindan shook his head as the merchant sat down beside him. "You didn't tell me there'd be a show with dinner."

"Shut up."

"Oh, friendly."

Raiden stared a moment, then broke into laughter. "Quit being disrespectful Captain and let's eat."



"So only two more weeks and we'll be in Pozhar? I don't think I'm looking forward to being back there again." Culebra frowned into his wine.

"Understandable. That nation is difficult to deal with when they're only visiting, I can not imagine having to confront them on their own playing field." Nankyokukai was pensive. "You were negotiating trade rights? Pozhar is notoriously difficult about those."

"Yes, they are. Take and take, but they will give very little. I am grateful Nankyo, that your homeland is so much more flexible."

"Small island nations can't afford to be rigid. But I was surprised to learn of your presence there - I had thought we were meant to accompany you and act as intermediary."

Culebra twirled his wine glass, tilting his head to look at the man seated next to him, "That had been my impression as well. But shortly before my departure we received word that Kundou would be unable to attend the negotiations - no reason was given. I was hoping you would be able to clear that up, but it would seem you know as little about the matter as I."

"Just out of curiosity, are you two allowed to be discussing this sort of thing?" Raiden queried, his tone amused.

"Of course not." Nankyokukai smirked, "But that has never stopped us before. How else do you think I know so much about what goes on with my ships?"

"Your ships?" Kindan snorted.

Nankyokukai leaned back in his seat, swallowing a piece of apple before bothering to reply, "Yes - I control every ship that makes berth in Kundou, or belongs to a Kundou citizen. You should consider being nicer to me Captain, else I might revoke your license. "General incompetence," strikes me as a sufficient reason. What do you think?"

"I think you have a long way to go yourself before you accuse me of incompetence. You claim to be aware of every problem concerning Kundou ships, but I've yet to see you do anything to fix those problems."

"That's because his Majesty won't let him. We've pleaded for assistance time and again, but the King won't even increase our limited funding to conduct real investigations. Despite their importance, he regards Nankyo's duties as little more than jokes." Takara looked angrily at the pale-haired captain, a familiar edge to his eyes.

Kindan's expression turned sour, "I sincerely doubt the situation is that bad. Kundou relies almost entirely on the shipping trade - why would the King dismiss that?"

The secretary's voice was curt, "He doesn't dismiss the trade - Taiseiyou deals mostly with that. The King is fully aware of trade - what he doesn't care about are the ships themselves. He only notices a ship is missing if it took an especially lucrative cargo with it. Even then, he cares only for the results, not for the fate of the crew or the ship itself. All of that is handled by Nankyo."

"He's rising to your defense again - does he do this often?" Raiden was laughing, though there was slight envy in his tone.

Nankyokukai's expression was amused, "Not usually in my presence, no. But he is correct - my idiot father looks at gold, not flesh. Condolence letters and compensation certificates might carry his signature, but they were written by Takara and myself."

"You're awfully forthcoming with information all of a sudden," Kindan's tone was flat.

"Only to prove you wrong - clearly I am competent. I have yet to see you prove any such thing about yourself, Captain."

"You're too busy being a selfish, spoiled brat to notice."

"That's enough. Highness, in my captain's defense he is the best there is. He's been in my employ for over a decade, and Captain since he was twenty. Surely that speaks for itself?"

"Perhaps."

Kindan glared at the prince, who only smirked in reply.

Raiden rose slowly from the table, reaching out to force his captain up as well. But a sudden pounding on the door halted his movements. "Enter."

A harried sailor burst into the room, his slightly panicked expression immediately seeking out and finding his superior, "Captain! It's a mermaid!"



P.S. I've noticed several people have seperate journals for their writing. It makes me wonder - would that be better, to seperate my rantings from my stories? Or would that be more annoying? Of course, I'd have to hunt down a code, I'm too poor to afford a payed account yet.

Comments

[mercury-quirks.livejournal.com]

Firstly, I only have a seperate journal for writing because that used to be my only livejournal and some friends that I actually know IRL have that link so I made that journal writing only and got another secret one for myself ^^ I would much rather prefer just one journal but I'm stuck with two for now. It's a person to person matter, I guess.

Now, onto the fic. I really, really like this chapter/part of a chapter ^_^ I love the depth added to Kindan through that flashback scene. Very cute. Only a few minor awkward sentences. (Like when you said ceased crying instead of stopped crying. Ceased doesn't feel right) Great job on this ^-^

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the input, I really was wondering whether one or two was preferable. Of course, there's also the fact that I'd probably be too lazy to keep up with two journals.

Thank you! I'm happy the chapter seems to be a success. And I'll fix that sentence, ceased does seem rather odd there. I appreciate the comments, again thank you!

[inklacedfeather.livejournal.com]

I think you did the children well. Very well actually for someone who keeps complaining that they can't write children. A few sugestions to some other things though:

The smaller boy just stared back in silent confusion in a moment, before slowly moving to try and straighten his appearance. Lifting his pack, he rifled through it a moment before pulling out a piece of cloth that Kinni realized was a sash - an expensive one. Kouri frowned as the cloth caught on something in the bag. Jerking hard, he freed the sash and sent something heavy tumbling to the ground.

I think you should try for another word so it doesn't seem repeatitive.

Kindan only stared up darkly at his dark-haired friend.

That too has a certian repeativeness to it sounds a bit chopy.

As for a author journal thats what mine is but I still rant in it as well. The way you work your journal has been fine with me and I have no problems or suggestions to it, but if you feel the need to create a authors journal only for your fic work I would friend it immediately. ^_^

Looking forward for more updates.

[maderr.livejournal.com]

lol. do you know that I do that all the time - repeat stuff I mean. I don't why, but I catch it all the time and then someone else catches the ones I don't miss. Honestly, I think a couple of times I began and ended a sentence with the same word. Temple of redundency temple. "darkly at his dark haired friend" ::rolls eyes:: how did I miss that?

And thank you - I really didn't think I could write kids. I'll stop whining now. So far as updates go, chapter six is almost done as well.

sounds like I should just keep one journal - thanks for the input and for humoring me.

[inklacedfeather.livejournal.com]

Heh I do the same thing. Check over my work a ton of times only to have people point out a bunch of things I missed. Its like 'Doy!' ya know?

Yay!!! ::dances around:: Whooo!!!

No prob, I aim to please. ^.^

[starparty.livejournal.com]

mmm Yes yes yes... Very good! I think the children are well done. You've got just the right mix of crying with out sounding overly whiny.

I have a separate journal just because I'm to lazy to set up my own site. I also like the fact that commenting is a lot easier. I'm big on feedback for my writing and i seem to get a lot more with a journal entry then with posting it on a site somewhere. I know I'm personally more likely to comment on a story on LJ then compose an entire email to someone. But again that's the laziness talking ;)I've got more codes than I know what to do with so if you want you can use this one.. szgkgaabgvng

[maderr.livejournal.com]

thankee muchly. and I'm almost as lazy - but it reall is much easier to comment via lj than to write an email. seems much more effective too.

I'm glad they didn't come off as whiny, I tried to keep it balanced. and thanks again for the code, I'll put it to good use.

speaking of lj's and codes, have you given in to temptation yet?

[starparty.livejournal.com]

you are welcome.. if you ever need another one let me know.. when I generated that one I found out that I've got even more than I thought...

I've been strong! well.. actually I've been busy. and there is nobody home to bother me tonight. and Ben really likes the idea.. *sigh* the boys are ganging up on me. I'l probablr cave tonight ;)

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

*SQUEALS* Gyah!!! New Treasure!! *tigger tackle glomps* And kid Kindan!!!

*melts into a happy puddle of goo*

Damn, lady, you just totally made my day. And I will so leave a longer and more detailed reply when my head isn't throbbing from my sinus headache from hell...but dood!!! You rock the universe. :)

*glomps story and takes it home with me* ^_^

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Yay! I don't think I've really heard from you in a while, I was really starting to wonder if you were doing alright.

I'm happy to have made your day - and it seems I have at least one fan for poor Kindan.

*hugs* your comments make my day, especially after the shifts from hell.

I know all about the damned sinus headaches - I hope it leaves you alone soon.

[white_aster]

:) I think that the kids are done fine. Depends sort of on how old you were going for, though. If you were thinking 12 or so, yeah, they sound great. Any younger than that, and I'd say that they were...I don't know...thinking too far ahead in the exchanging of gifts thing?

The only thing that immediately struck me here is that Culebra sort of shows up rather...abruptly. He starts talking and there's no real introduction of him. It was a good few sentences before I could piece together that he was on a shipwreck? There were still some unanswered questions about him, though, that it seemed sort of annoying not to know the answers to: is he blind from something that happened on the shipwreck, or is it an existing condition? Was his ship attacked or just have mechanical problems? What happened to the rest of his crew? These are things that the characters would know, if they went to help him, but you don't tell the reader, even in just some aside-type exposition describing when he showed up on the ship, what happened, etc. So it just sort of felt like I was in the dark when I didn't really need to be. Unless there's some plot reason not to tell the reader these things?

Just my opinion. Take with a grain of salt, of course. :)

And I've got (count 'em) 3 journals. One for fanfic, one for original fic, and one that's family-friendly (ie, not porn) for real-life stuff. I had the fanfic one first, and then got the others. The family one just because it's easier for family to get caught up on my everyday stuff by going to that than by doing the email thing. And when I started original stories, I wanted to put them in a different place, just because I knew that some folks would be more interested in the original stuff than in the fanfic stuff (fanfic's sort of boring if you're not in the fandom.) This way, the fanfic folks won't be subjected to my original people, and the original story fans won't have to wade through my fanfic stuff. And as far as I can see, keeping up with someone's multiple journals is as easy as adding someone else to your friends list. It seems like a courtesy to your readers, I guess, in letting them choose what they want to be on their friends list: your fiction, your personal stuff, etc.

And I've got codes falling from the sky, if you need one. :)

[maderr.livejournal.com]

actually, they are about 12 so you've made me very happy.

So far as Culebra is concerned, he showed up in the last chapter. That's why I didn't explain him in this one really. I can add some stuff, because if you're starting on this chapter I can see where it would be really confusing.

That's actually what I was considering - one for my fanfics at least, as very few on my friends list read most of the fandoms I do, and possibly one for my originals. Someone else gave me a code today, but thank you for the offer.

And a million times thank you for the comments on my story. It's always helpful, and deeply appreciated.

[white_aster]

So far as Culebra is concerned, he showed up in the last chapter.

Crap, he did? :slaps self: My bad. I must have missed him, then. Perhaps it was in my scanning to see if Raiden and Takara were gettin' to the good part yet. :is sheepish: But no, if you described his deal in the last chapter, by all means DON'T do it again. I find that tremendously annoying when I read a story and they feel the need to remind me in detail of something I just read twenty pages ago.

[maderr.livejournal.com]

lol. you sound like me, scanning for the good parts. they're getting there, but don't expect it too soon.

and duly noted - I won't repeat.

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

"Why are you crying? Boys aren't supposed to." Kinni frowned.

He is so damn cute!! I mean, he's wrong, but he's such a tough littlr guy. You have to love him, cause he tries so hard to seem like he's a total hardass, but you can tell he's a total softie under all the bluster. And you can tell that this whole incident left a lasting impact on him. And I can really see Kinnie growing up to become the Kindan we're familiar with in the story so far. *takes Kinnie home with me*

"Yeah - when your teacher's pick on you, just laugh at them. It makes them really mad."

*giggles* I love that! I love that he gives that advice, but that Kindan doesn't particularly like it when it's practiced on him by Nankyo. *snickers* It's totally true though. Gyah...you rock. :)

"Ah, don't say you're sorry again. That's as bad as crying."

I so love this kid. Awesome job with his dialogue!!

"No, I was trying to remind myself why I put up with you and the company you keep."

Heehee! Have I mentioned how much I love this character? You really gave him some depth and added a lot to his personality in this chapter. I mean, he's was fun before this, but now it's a lot easier to connect with him on a more personal level. He's prickly at times, but a lot of the time, that prickliness is just a cover for warmer feelings. You know he gets along with Raiden and the way they banter you can tell that they're old friends in spite of the differences in rank. Which is probably the way it had to be--they had to be friends--because Kindan doesn't really strike me as the type who deals with authority figures well. The way he goes at it with Nankyo sometimes seems more centered on the fact that Nankyo is royalty more than anything else. (Well, if you don't take into account that sometimes Nankyo deliberately needles the guy...)

"You don't need to lie to me, it's best if you're honest about your feelings."

Heehee, Raiden's a loveable putz like that. I love the way he keeps teasing at Taka. I mean, he accepts that there are certain limits that he can get to with Taka, but the man doesn't lose his temper or force Taka into things that the man really isn't up to yet. It's fun because he throws Taka off balance just enough to get the guy to reconisder and take a second look at Raiden, when by all accounts, he should be wanting to pitch the guy overboard. I love the way you write both of them. :)

"What would you know about it? I can't imagine a spoiled prince would have much to complain about, and I don't see anyone trading you off for something as trivial as passage."

Oh, them's fighin' words...

"Is that why you look so angry then, because it means nothing to you? I'd hate to see how you act if it were to mean something to you."

*grins* You and me both, Nankyo...^-^

"You're too busy being a selfish, spoiled brat to notice."

He certainly doesn't mince words or hold back when giving his opinion. *whistles* I love that he and Nankyo butt heads like they do. The dialogue you have going between the two of them just rocks. :)

I love, love, <3 this story. This chapter was just awesome!!! *glomps* Gyah, you're amazing. :)

[maderr.livejournal.com]

*glomps* I'm sooo happy you like Kinni - not many people have commented on him. I've been dying to write this chapter forever. I'm afraid he had to take a back seat for awhile, it tortured me to have to wait to write this part.

Hee, he and Nankyo are ridiculous. Are you supposed to have that much fun writing your story? Raiden and Taka are just as nuts.

I hate knowing my own stories sometimes, b/c I know all of what's going to happen and there's no one to understand why I keep chuckling evily and all.

Glad to you see you back! I was laughing and smiling the whole time reading this, your comments always make my day. They're motivating as well, so a million times Thank you!!!