I swear to fuckng god

[maderr]

Was feeling lousy, wanted something mindless to read.

Made the stupid mistake of buying Torq's fairytale anthology.

My eyes are bleeding.

But seriously, what the fuck kind of editor considers this a good sentence:

None would dare; my Lord Pavare's blade was so very swift to answer...and a woman with a sharp tongue and a habit of frankness who might feel herself safe if she indulged the latter whilst using the first, was mistaken if she had husband, son, or brother of an age to meet Pavare in the misty dawn -- and be buried before the next sunrise.

Never mind the raging fucking stupidity of the fairytales in general. They're sloppy. No thought was put into any of them. I see nothing creative or impressive or remarkable, and maybe I'm just being a snotty bitch and it's true that since learning of some rather grim family history I'm in a mood most foul - but for fuck's sake rewriting fairytales well isn't hard. I haven't been this disgusted with a book in a long fucking time - and I'm only on page 78/241!

EDIT

I give up. I go to attempt one of my own fairytales, something I'm working on for Nikery. I had no idea it was this easy to fuck up something so simple as a goddamn fairytale.

Comments

[zeffy-amethyst.livejournal.com]

I tried reading that sentence. My mind died on me before I could finish.

What, precisely, was it trying to say?

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Hell if I know.

[rykaine.livejournal.com]

That the bitch had best keep her mouth shut, ere the men in her family be run through with sword ( or something) before a full day's passing.

I think.

[mechante-fille.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was my take on it. It hurts, though.

[zeffy-amethyst.livejournal.com]

......I admire your ability to read gibberish.

Love the icon by the way. I've been guilty of using those phrases in certain assignments. XD

[rykaine.livejournal.com]

It's a gift. ^_^

Shoot, I'm guilty of using a lot of those phrases. My best essays all made great use of the best bullshit lines.

[chilayse.livejournal.com]

Might be the migraine + pain being held back by massive doses of painkillers...but I have NO IDEA what that sentence is trying to say.

[rykaine.livejournal.com]

That sentence pains me. My god... who the hell?

[mechante-fille.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what any of that says. Well... after three readings, maybe I have a vague idea. Still reading? Hopefully one or two of them will be half-decent.

[tsaiko.livejournal.com]

That sentence is an affront to the English language. And this comes from the girl who regularly sends her sense of grammar to molest English in a dark back alley.

[unusualmusic.livejournal.com]

That sentence sucks. Plain and simple. And if that is the quality of the writing in that, then I will certainly avoid it. Damn but I was on that website over the weekend and saw the very same book. Decided not to bother because I feared that it wouldn't be up to the standards that you set. Looks like I was right.

[magnet-dragon.livejournal.com]

None would dare; my Lord Pavare's blade was so very swift to answer...and a woman with a sharp tongue and a habit of frankness who might feel herself safe if she indulged the latter whilst using the first, was mistaken if she had husband, son, or brother of an age to meet Pavare in the misty dawn -- and be buried before the next sunrise.

...WHAT DOES IT MEAN? D8

[purple-alicorn.livejournal.com]

BRAIN HURT!!! -If that is published - you should be able to be published too. But athing that inspires you to write more fairytales has at least one redeeming feature ;)

[broken-moons.livejournal.com]

Ouch, that's bad. And I still don't know what even happens in that sentence XD
I guess it's just writing on autopilot, to churn out something to sell, fast. Boo.
*hugs*

YOURS are perfect!

[(Anonymous)]

I usually do not like fairytails, but yours I am looking forward for (I am not sure MY sentence is so good LOL)

Rose Red

[avalon13.livejournal.com]

Brain hurty. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. *wail flail combo* WHAT IS THE AUTHOR TRYING TO SAY?

The woman has a tongue that can kill people and her entire family is dead? Thye're all the same age as this Pavare fella? How the hell did they manage that? Now they're all dead?

[eyestealer.livejournal.com]

.... o_o Hah?

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Am laughing and sympathizing at the same time. Now you know how I feel or would feel if I tried to do what you do so wonderfully..well most of the time less this particular time that you report of. *sooths* Breathe deep a couple times, play with two lonely kitties, eat something. Reread the original fairy tale. Whatever works.

Fairy Tales...

[(Anonymous)]

*whimper*
*dies*
Bodice... ripper...
Augh...
Scarred...

[camden-rehab.livejournal.com]

I got through "none would dare" okay, but the rest just turned to squiggles somewhere between my eyes and brain... O_O;

[marasmine.livejournal.com]

None would dare; my Lord Pavare's blade was so very swift to answer...and a woman with a sharp tongue and a habit of frankness who might feel herself safe if she indulged the latter whilst using the first, was mistaken if she had husband, son, or brother of an age to meet Pavare in the misty dawn -- and be buried before the next sunrise.

None would dare to question it. My Lord Pavare's blade was so very swift to answer. Any woman with a sharp tongue and a habit of frankness should think again before employing them; even if she felt safe indulging the latter whilst using the former. She would be much mistaken if she had a husband, son or brother of an age to be challenged by my Lord Pavare in the misty dawn. She would be lacking a relative and attending a burial before sunrise.

Not sure if that fits with the rest of it but at least it looks like it should make sense now! But a simpler style and less wordy sentence would improve it dramatically.

My Lord Pavare was quick to take insult and issue a challenge. None could best him and no man was safe from the demands of honour. A woman speaking unwisely could condemn her nearest male relative to an untimely death on Pavare's sharp and skilled blade.

Does it show that I am avoiding doing my own stuff?

[marasmine.livejournal.com]

But what I meant to say, before I got distracted by the appalling English, was that you write so much better than a lot of published authors. Do you believe us yet? Or do you need more eye-bleeding, brain-hurting, wrist-slitting examples of the absolute crap some people get paid for?
Do you think they can all be relatives of the publishers?

[(Anonymous)]

Dude. That makes more sense than I was getting. I was half praying for zombies to be the cause. It would probably make as much sense as this wordy prose.

[kiyoshi-chan.livejournal.com]

I think I blinked after the first semi-colon and my brain blocked out the rest of it. I have no idea what it said. ^^;;;;;;

*loves you*

On a completely unrelated note, I wonder if you'll like Claymore... :x