argh, where does the time go?

[maderr]

Already six thirty >_< Man, I wanted to be well into writing. I could be finished with knight story if not for fsking RL! *kicks*

Still, polite but terse emails sent to necessary parties. Belated birthday gifts tended to, I apologize again to roomie and Beej - holidays wiped me of money and I am still recovering >_< *failzor*

Um.

The runner for the one process server that comes in the afternoon almost got himself punched. Our job is hard, I don't care what anyone fucking says. It takes concentration. I'm sorry if we're not all smiles and chatter and willing to drop everything to entertain your lazy fucking ass. That doesn't mean we're unhappy, or grouchy, it just means we're paying attention to what we do b/c if we don't bad shit happens. If you tell me again that I "need to cheer up" I will punch your goddamn face in. I know how tough the runners have it, I was one, and if you have time to sit down and tell me to cheer up, I know you're not doing your fucking job. So, yeah. Tell me to cheer up one more fucking time. Go ahead.

M'kay. Food, then writing. Will not finish tonight, sadly, but maybe can at least finish Kodey's last part. Blah.

*EDIT*

It's amazing, and kinda depressing really, how quickly I can go from good mood to wishing the entire world would fuck off and die. I'm stupid, I know that. I fight it every day and still fail miserably. I just wish it wasn't always my goddamn fucking fault. Just once, I'd like not to be the one to blame. But, I have only myself to blame. Doesn't matter how hard I try, invariably I am naught but a fuck up. Even in my writing.

Comments

[raielchan.livejournal.com]

Megan-chan ga motto genki ni naritai.

[sixpence1323.livejournal.com]

Just go for the kisser next time!

[marasmine.livejournal.com]

Don't be so harsh with yourself - it is very tiring being responsible for everything! But eventually you can learn to let some of it go and only be responsible for half the crap in life - takes a while to get it right, if we ever can!

[nikerymis.livejournal.com]

Anike laughed slowly, trying to detangle himself from sleep's grasp. Reni - no, Calo, Anike decided, squinting sleepily towards the foot of the bed - smirked at him, gently caressing the bottom of his foot again. Anike smothered another laugh, trying to twitch his foot away from Calo's firm, comfortable grasp. Calo snickered at him then, slow and lazy as he bent down and kissed the top of Anike's toes.

"Good morning, Anike," Calo greeted, placing extra emphasis on his name. Anike blinked, startled, and stubbornly ignored the way his cheeks were too warm.

"Good morning?" Anike offered, trying not to sound too confused. Calo smiled widely, showing his fangs as his fingertips casually stroked along the top of Anike's foot.

"Did you sleep well?" Calo asked, shifting a little to sit more upright. He didn't let go of Anike's foot.

"Yes," Anike said slowly, curling his toes a little as Calo's fingers traced a light pattern along his ankle. "Calo?"

"Yes?" Calo asked, smirking again, and Anike was definitely missing something here.

"What's going on?" Anike asked, pushing away the covers that had mostly been lost (or removed) while he slept. "And where's Reni?" Anike frowned a little, glancing around the bedroom he shared with Calo and Reni. "I thought you both had the morning off."

"We do," Calo reassured, looking smug. "I'm distracting you." Calo winked slowly, and Anike leveled a suspicious look at him. Calo was pretending to distracting, and blatantly not. His hand wasn't even above Anike's knee. Which meant Calo didn't really want to distract him, but couldn't not, so Reni had put him up to it. Reni was the only one Calo listened to when he didn't want to do something.

"Where's Reni?" Anike asked again, sliding his legs out of Calo's reach. Calo laughed, sliding along the bed to where Anike sat.

"He went to see a healer," Calo told him with a smirk. "He didn't want you to worry."

"Too late," Anike muttered, frowning at Calo a little anxiously. "He's okay?"

"He's fine, lovely," Calo drawled, infringing on Anike's personal space but not doing anything more than that. Anike relaxed a little at the silly adjective, leaning closer to Calo's warmth.

"Why is he seeing a healer, then?" Anike asked, making a soft protesting noise when Calo kissed him instead of answering. He wanted to know why Reni was seeing a healer. Calo pulled away with an amused chuckle, nipping playfully at Anike's lower lip.

"Just a twisted wrist, lovely," Calo soothed, running a gentle hand through Anike's hair. "Nothing serious."

"Oh," Anike frowned, sighing quietly as Calo drew him close for another kiss. "How long -"

"Soon, pretty artist," Calo promised. "But don't worry, I will keep you distracted until he comes back."

Anike laughed softly, shaking his head, but he let Calo kiss anyway.

--------

In other words, you are awesome. ♥

[maderr.livejournal.com]

;;__;; you're way too nice, Nikery. I read my own posts, I know how whiney and bratty I am >_< I feel constantly like I'm 12, which is probably how I come off. The underage peeps on my flist whine less than I do *sigh* I just hate when I fuck up my own damn stories. anything else I can take, blah.

Thank you for the drabble <3 It salvaged my night. You are made of win, my dear, and far too tolerant of me.

[nikerymis.livejournal.com]

I totally know the feeling? It seems like all I ever do lately is whine in my LJ posts. ^___^;; (Heh, and of course, comparing myself to a 14-year-old emo goth boy has been making me giggle for the last few days, but still.)

::glomps:: Anything I can help you work out? Not sure how much help I'll be, but I can try.

I am happy to help. ^___^ Glad you like. ♥

[reviewspider.livejournal.com]

Did my gift cheer you up at all? *pout*

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Gift? *baffled, goes to investigate*



!!!! HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID I NOT SEE THAT!!!!

[reviewspider.livejournal.com]

Because you're tired. And I posted it last night, so you were probably already asleep.

[acesha-coeurl.livejournal.com]

I work at a call center,in the lovely nightmare of 'middle management' we have to account for every fsking minute someone is not logged into their phone and taking calls. By the end of the day there are some people i normally find perfectly tolerable, who almost get run over in the parking lot as i drive off. (Or should. Really should)

I completely understand the frustration, because one decided to log off his damned phone to ask if i was feeling okay because i looked upset. *shakes head* He actually said and i quote "Cheer up Buttercup"

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Dude, I so would be facing murder charges right now if he'd said that. I'd have ended his life with his own phone. Go you for remaining unarrested.

[acesha-coeurl.livejournal.com]

Oh, its quite the curse too. Because every time he says that, i get something horrible dumped into my lap. I will eventually kill him...when there are less witnesses...

Though, the phone cord would definitely put a nice touch on it. I shall have to share the thought of death by phone cord with my partner in crime.

[reviewspider.livejournal.com]

Were you posting a comment to me or maderr?

Also, Weiss Kruez fsking rocks.

[acesha-coeurl.livejournal.com]

Maderr. And yes. Weiss Kreuz is freaking great. And i will resist the urge to show up in my Aya cosplay at work again, they will only forgive it so many times. Casual friday's have a whole new meaning some days(when i feel like being a pain)

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha. Rock on. Is that with or without the sword?

[acesha-coeurl.livejournal.com]

I had to leave the sword at home. Pre-agreed upon condition.

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

I have noticed for a while how very hard you are on yourself. I think that this is in the same category as, "you're not being paranoid if they really are out to kill you."
Stress can ruin a mood easily and quickly. You seem stressed and maybe that could be addressed but that is human. You are human, aren't you? I've seen pictures *cough, Starparty* and you visually pass for human. You may correct me if I'm wrong.
You are a good person. A person that at your place of employment is valued. I know this from the responsibility they have given you and never have you mentioned that you have fucked up on the job.
You are a perfectionist. This comes through very loud and clear. Here you might want to lighten up a little but *looks at glass walls* who am I to say and besides the results of your talent speak for themselves. Errors should just be corrected if noticed but errors are a fact of life and why God created editors and betas (not the fish).
I call your attention to the massive list of people who have friended you and those who post to your journal. We out number you. And WE think you are terrific. Remember that when next you feel crabby and down on yourself, cause some of us know where you live and send you chocolates.

[kiyoshi-chan.livejournal.com]

:( *huuuuuuuuugs* The world needs to get off your back.

[suzume-tori.livejournal.com]

this probably doesn't mean much, coming from a random person who totally doesn't know you at all... But your writing is amazing. I read it all the time as a pick-me-up, or for simple entertainment. I love everything you write that I could get my hands on... and given the varied subjects, that's saying a lot.

So... while your life may not be looking up, I want to thank you very much for the really great impact you've had on mine over the last few years.

<3

[(Anonymous)]

Tell the world to fuck off and do something nice for yourself. You deserve it :)

faithful fangirl

I absolutely disagree!

[(Anonymous)]

I cannot say much about other matters, because I do not know much about them, but as an expert in writing (I have a MA in philology) I declare you a very good writer. And have I mentioned that I sure like you as a pereson based on your writings?

Rose Red

[bowiscute145.livejournal.com]

i have a slight urge to burst into song and sing 'cheer up charlie' to you, but somehow i highly doubt it will help.
i'm not gonna say i know how you feel cause that's stupid, but i get random bouts of depression sometimes and have to listen to the talking heads and shout the lyrics.
or if i'm at home i curl up with some tea and read some slash (and by some slash i pretty much mean something you've written). :) always makes me feel better.
or go hunt down some hugs, i send you as many as you need but they arn't as good as the real thing, and as you posted this a while ago i hope you're feeling better. i had an exam today and half way through my brain physically stopped working (i think i actually have a medical problem it's done that before) meaning i couldn't remember stuff or write down anything other than what was in my head at that exact moment. so i gave up and drew aliens!
so much love it explodes around you like fireworks and those little blown kisses you get in cartoons.
xxxx

[eyestealer.livejournal.com]

:3
-hug.-
:3

[spurious-sanity.livejournal.com]

....this may seem more creepy than helpful from a random stranger, but you just made the day of two people. y'see, I got a friend of mine your books for x-mas, and she got them just now (very late x-mas present, I know. I be slow).

And she's been squealing of joy and grinning for the last... oh, 30 minutes or so. Me, I've been grinning and laughing at her reaction for just as long. Plus bouncing and grinning for three days or so when I placed the order, anticipating the reaction.

(...not to mention all the bats and dogs I gave a headache with my high-pitched squealing over the e-book I got myself, since I couldn't afford a dead tree set for myself during the Holiday of Wallet Doom. Soon, though! Soon I shall have one of my very own... <3)

A stranger like me obviously knows zero about you outside what's in this journal, but when this many people - complete strangers, even - love you and your writing and obviously don't think you're a failure, we can't all be wrong, can we? ^__^

(personally, I go book-shopping at least once a week, but most of the time, I give up and come home empty-handed to curl up on the couch with some of your stuff instead. 's much better. <3 so if random hugs don't freak you out, then *hugs*)

...and now I've spent more than a month's worth of commenting word count, so I must sink back into lurkerdom. *disappears*

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Today was even worse than yesterday, and your comments were kind enough to make me cry. It may not seem like it, but every last person here, lurker or no, means the world to me. When all I seem to do in RL is fuck up, I know I at least am doing something correct here. I'm glad my silly books made you guys so happy, that really and truly makes everything worth it.

[niravive.livejournal.com]

*glomps* I'm the friend who got the book set, and I may only be on Main Gauche, but I am squealing so high that my bird has gone to hide under her cage lining. You rock, and I hope things start going better.

[spurious-sanity.livejournal.com]

Aww, your books and stories are not at all silly! I tend to spend more money that I technically have on books, and still prefer your stuff to most - if not all - the stuff on my shelves. (I've sure reread your stuff more times than 99% of what I own.) Your writing is filled with fluff and shiny and pretty and things that make me completely incoherent, and squeal like the silly little fangirl I am deep down.

..okay, maybe not so very deep down, but you get the point, I hope... ^ ^;

Really, the world should stop sending screwy things your way. *nods* I really hope things get better for you soon! At least remember that we all adore you, yeah? *hugs*

....you managed to drag me out of lurking again. how d'you do that?

[hyperjirou.livejournal.com]

You are a wonderful writer. When I saw the books I ordered from Lulu arrived yesterday, I spent like five minutes dancing around clutching the package. Then when my sister got home I grabbed the books and went to show her.

On another note, hopefully the gift I sent you will arrive soon and it will cheer you up.

[maderr.livejournal.com]

GOTS IT!!! With all my piteous whining, I kept forgetting to post a proper thank you ^__________^ They're awesome! I've only been to like one con my entire life, it saddens me. So they were bomb, and I thank you, and I'm sorry I fail at saying that.