Oh, yeah

[maderr]

I remember what the other thing was. I was killing the last few minutes of work paging through a dumbass magazine to laugh at shit (uh, ladies home journal I think) and it had a little article on shyness and how to 'cure' it.

There was something about how shyness is just self-consciousness, and one way to cure it in groups is to make certain you get people to talk about themselves and other things and not about you.

All I could think was '....being shy means I have problems just opening my fucking mouth, you dumbass bitch.'

Then it went on to say you should always get to parties early, so it's easier to mingle and meet people rather than hesitate over joining groups

Maybe it's just my bad mood that I've been trying to kick, but the snarky bitch in me just thinks whoever wrote the article has no fucking clue what it's like being shy.

Comments

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

They usually don't. Most of the time, I read those articles and they sound a lot like someone trying to teach you how to be mainstream, and if I wanted to be mainstream and if I felt I was mainstream, that'd be cool. But you know, some of us realize that we're different and embrace it. *shrugs* Besides which, even if you were looking to change, it's not fucking easy to bridge that gap. And a stupid little article sure as hell isn't going to give you the means to meet the end. It took me two years working at CVS, of constantly being forced into situations where I had to talk to people I didn't know if I wanted to stay employed and forcing myself to speak when every fiber of my being was telling me not to, before I could talk to people without freezing up and stuttering and blushing excessively. And even then, like I said, I only actually voice about 20% of what I'm thinking. The hardest part is saying the things that need to be said and making yourself get to the point where you can say those things...and after that? You know, if I want to live so much inside my head as I do, who the hell are they to 'cure' me or suggest that I need curing?

And the party scenario...I'm sorry, I'm shy and I avoid parties like the plague, so getting there early isn't the issue. It's the going there at all. And if you say, lost your mind and decided to go anyway, the better way to handle it would be to take a trusted, gregarious friend with you so that they could smooth the way and ease you into conversations and be the comforting known in the sea of scary unknowns. (Although, you know, I still would stick with the whole 'not going' business. -_- I don't see the point in parties. Hell, I didn't even see the point in weddings, obviously. >_>)

I don't know, at the end of the day...I've learned to enjoy my shyness. Embrace it, if you will. It's not crippling my life, so I'm cool with it. I don't go to places that require me to talk with tons of people I don't know because I don't want to go to places that require me to talk to tons of people I don't know. And by not going to the mind numbing, soul deadening chit-chat parties...I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Some of us know how to entertain ourselves without depending on other people to do it for us. *shrugs*

*tackle glomps*

[sixpence1323.livejournal.com]

*nod nod*

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you say what I didn't really have the patience for. It was that it was a fucking disease to be cured that annoyed me the most. As you said, it was being forced into situations where I had not choice but to talk and smile and deal that brought me a bit out of my shell. But at the end of the day, I am still happiest going back home to lose myself in my own little worlds. If that makes me happy, why does it need cured? I listen to my coworkers, who talk constantly of parties and sports and dinners and just feel *tired*. Why would anyone want to run around like a headless chicken that way?

Heh, so with you on the weddings. all the stress and planning and expense and what all? x.x color me unromantic if you like, but I will be skipping if I ever actually et that far ^_^

I think the best time I've had in ages was our get together here. That was totally bomb.

As ever Sky, you say such things best ^____^

[joisbishmyoga.livejournal.com]

Similar thing occured when I was flipping through channels. Some show on a health-n-science channel had a life coach (read: unqualified hack) "helping" a shy person. One of the first things out of the coach's mouth was that shy people are "selfish".

Um.

I'm shy, but I still would've snapped back that I have no inclination to share with people who'll inexplicably attack me like the coach just did.

[lokiloo.livejournal.com]

It's funny you mention they're treating it as a disease; The American Institute of Mental Disorders has recently classified shyness as a mental disorder that should be treated. A phobia of people, if you will.

><;; It pissed me off, too.

[maderr.livejournal.com]

I think the only disorder I'm about to have is a deep desire to punch a bunch of people in the face -__-

[nikerymis.livejournal.com]

::grin:: The best cure for jackass-ery! ^__^ Though I don't think that one'll ever be classified as a mental disease.

[sixpence1323.livejournal.com]

Note: Torch The American Institute of Mental Disorders.

*snort* Mental disorder, yeah right. Another excuse to try to make people conform to the preppy "happy" social person. Just cause they don't understand shyness doesn't mean it's a disorder.

I'm happy being a (violent) hermit, thanks very much.

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Fracturing a cliche... those that are shy, are. Those that aren't write or do presentations about it and its cure.
Think though that this postulated concept is behind why people drink too much to overcome social discomfort (hides as this is my tactic) and we all know how very articulate and charming we can become while drunk off our ..ahem behinds.

The American Institute of Mental Disorders has nothing better to do than ruin lives.

[lisiche.livejournal.com]

THE FUCK?!

...well. Pad me a room and give me three meals a day!

[marasmine.livejournal.com]

I don't think you can "cure" shyness - you learn how to cope, you learn how to avoid the severe anxiety attacks, you learn how to talk to strangers when you have to. And you learn that you really didn't want to go to the pointless parties anyway! I spent years trying to figure out why people insisted that parties were such good things. I was convinced that I was missing out on some vital element in life. And then one day I realised that I wasn't missing anything that I wouldn't rather miss! I hate crowds, I hate noise, I hate 'having to' talk to people (well, 'having to' do anything really). So parties are torture or at best irritating. The chances of meeting someone interesting at a party are remote - because interesting people (that I would have stuff in common with) wouldn't be at a party!

I worked past the worst of my shyness by forcing myself to speak to the checkout person in supermarkets - just hello/goodbye at first. I advanced to speaking to other customers in the line before I got to the till. Now I can speak meaningless drivel to virtually anyone! I'm not convinced that this skill has significantly improved my life though!

You can't cure shyness

[(Anonymous)]

Being shy is not a disease. It's a personality trait shared by roughly half the world, and any real psychologist will tell you that introversion is perfectly normal.

This doesn't include real anxiety disorder, of course, where you're deeply fearful of actually talking to a stranger. No, this is about the people who have only a few friends, and like it that way.

Of course, extroverts -- those outgoing people that love to talk before they think, and don't understand why you hate parties -- don't see things the same way. But that's because they talk more than we do. Since there are so few of us willing to speak in defense of ourselves, there's this idiotic perception that being introverted is somehow being "selfish" or "stingy." It's a bunch of bullshit, naturally.

If you're interested in learning more, google "introvert" or "introversion." You can also read the following article and show it to your annoying extrovert friends:

"Caring for your Introvert"
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

Of course, they probably will just smile sadly and ask you out to another mixer. But that's their problem.

--medeii