(no subject)

[maderr]

"the tip of his long, cranberry cock"

Megan: *sets cranberry juice aside with a long-suffering sigh*

Dear pr0n writers of the world,

There are times when we do not need to be creative. Please, for the love of god, stop attempting to wax poetical about cocks.

My eyes are bleeding,
Megan

Wow. Rape his mouth. Are you kidding me? What about that is supposed to be hot? People need to fucking think, and editors need to do their goddamn jobs.

Comments

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

"And with his purple throbbing and engorged manstick of love, he went stabbity at the one he loved, crying "I fuck you!" as he pulled on the bondage gear of doom..."

Just thought I'd add that. ^_^

Also, question. Does the cranberry describe just the color or are we dealing with an outbreak of genital warts, here? O_o;;

And you know, it really makes me want to find these writers guilds and say, "hey, you know, when you write the smex, could you possibly not describe the cock in vivid and terrifyingly funny terms? Cause, you know, it gives me nightmares..."

*hands over ice pack for bleeding eyes*

[nikerymis.livejournal.com]

Obviously, cranberry is the flavor. ^__~

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

Oh now see, if you could chose the flavor...Well, I for one would do it more often. XD

[nikerymis.livejournal.com]

::snicker:: Probably one flavor per cock. Hmm, I wonder if it would be limited to fruit flavors or if you could have any flavor. Heh, think of the possibilities! Curry cock! Pickled cock! Skittle-flavored (taste the rainbow) cock!

[unusualmusic.livejournal.com]

*snorfle* *snort* *dies*

[tsaiko.livejournal.com]

This is all your fault.



It's icon sized so if anyone wants to use it, feel free.

[nikerymis.livejournal.com]

::falls over laughing::

[maderr.livejournal.com]

*falls down dead of laughter* You are made of win.

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

*dies, just dies* XD FTW!

[alice_montrose]

Oh, I simply MUST save this!

[maderr.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I should be allowed a boyfriend at this point. I've got way too many jokes stored up for to inflict upon his masculinity. "Honey, I think you should be cranberry flavor tonight"

[hayama-sb.livejournal.com]

"Okay, dear. Let me go see if there's a can of cranberry sauce in the pantry for me to fuck, since you want cranberry flavor. Glad I bought that 'smooth edge' can opener. Got tired of the cuts on my scrotum."

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

XD *snickers* And here I was thinking that I'd shared too many of the female mysteries with J. I made the mistake a while back of telling him that the difference between real boobs and fake boobs was that when a chick with fake boobs laid down, they pointed straight up to the sky whereas real boobs have a tendency to slide to the sides and into your armpits.

I'm still trying to live it down. -_-

So you know, you might go into the relationship with a ton of jokes to inflict on his masculinity, but there's a crap load of stuff that he could come back with. Trust me. >_> Of course, who knows, maybe that's how you'll know it's true love. XD

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha. I was just flipping through some clothing magazine the other day picking out all the fake boobs.

Your'e probably right. I wouldn't last long with someone who couldn't come right back, anyway.

[maderr.livejournal.com]

*snickerfit* Oddly enough, there was bdsm involved. or, you could have deduced the story about which I'm bitching.

I think it was going just for color. I hope we were, cause otherwise I'm going to go get bleach for brain and eyes.

I just want to shake them. More than anything, I want to ask "why did you think that was a good idea?"

[lokiloo.livejournal.com]

And....And I suddenly feel so, so proud of my writing. Like, REALLY proud. And sorta bad that I fell proud.....
But still, very proud. :3

[mechante-fille.livejournal.com]

Dude. Is this from Fits? I'm scared...

[moonkitsune.livejournal.com]

I think some writers strive to make sex be more 'poetic'. Sometimes I don't want to write out sex scenes (despite how much I love reading them) because I find the rest of my writing very descriptive and yet the sex very basic. True, you can write a lot when it comes to how the person feels and the sensations that really put a lot of 'flavor' to the scene, but some people work too hard to describe everything. I'm not too offended by the cranberry description. It gives it a sort of description of how ruby the tip is. (Like someone saying a 'apple' Volkswagen Bug instead of a green Volkswagen Bug.) Still, a writer that tries too hard usually damages their writing. Still, to each their own I guess.

I do not like the idea of raping someone's mouth. Rape is never something that is seen as 'beautiful'. If it was a character that was being aggressive, uncaring, and only selfishly going after their own pleasure at the expense of someone else, then it might be appropriate. Rape is just too strong of a word to use.

What story/book/fanfic is this anyway?!

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's called trying too hard. People need to remember that simplicity is most often best. I wouldn't say the cranberry thing offended me. More, it just was too humurous to take seriously, and if a sex scene makes you laugh hysterically from the sheer awful, then the author is failing miserably.

Agreed. There was a better way to describe it.

Um. Forgiven & Forgotten, off loose-id.com

[moonkitsune.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Hard to really appreciate the sex when you're snickering. I also don't like it when the characters say some really weird or corny things during sex. I've read some fanfics where the dialog made me want to laugh or gag. Some things just shouldn't be said.

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

Forgiven & Forgotten, off loose-id.com

I swear, I miss all the good stuff when I speed read. XD I couldn't make myself read through all the sex scenes. I read here and there...enough to pick out the general gist, but the sex scenes were a little too wtf for me to actually slog through. ^_^;; I swear, sometimes it feels like I only read about two thirds of any of these books.

We should go through and give these things ratings. Like, five stars = the smex is off the charts good and I'll actually read it. One star = my eyes are bleeding and the cocks give me nightmares.

[maderr.livejournal.com]

Well, when I figured out the story actually was bout greek gods, and it was awful, I kept reading for sheer horrified fascination. It was bloody awful. I really hope the author was writing a comedic piece rather than a serious, cause otherwise I wanna know what he was inhaling.

*laugh* We so should.

[(Anonymous)]

.....
well, you're better than i am.
i couldn't get past the covers and the horrid summaries.
my eyes, they burn...
-hides-

[hippiechiq.livejournal.com]

Cranberry cock? Sounds like something from a pornified Candyland.

[alice_montrose]

Since I've signed up for writing porn monthly for a while...

Note to self: Keep the fruity descriptions away from the actual male organs, unless there are flavoured condoms involved.

[escagirluk.livejournal.com]

Hmm. He could be an alien and it was a flavour?

An entire alien species where the sweat down there tastes nice and fruity... and the ones with the sweeter/nicer-tasting parts get the most sex?

Of course, this would lead to a most likely bizarre fic where one of the not-so-nice-tasting males ends up with a most-wanted male, cause the most-wanted male likes the not-wanted males taste?

...it's too early for me to be thinking. I'm gonna go back to my TyKa beyblade fanfic. It won't make me think.

[avalon13.livejournal.com]

THERE ARE ONLY TWO WAYS TO WRITE PORN. DELICATELY AND TASTEFULLY, AND WITHOUT EVER EVER LIKENING ANATOMY TO VARIOUS FOOD. OR YOU WRITE IT REALLY, REALLY DIRTY. LIKE, 'FUCK ME HARDER' DIRTY.


ALSO, please to not be using rape in pr0n scene is very off putting, plzkthxbai.