Dead Man's Hand by Nancy A. Collins
May. 25th, 2005 06:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maderrOkay, I'm the very last person who has any right to bitch about stories that are cliche and beendone.
That ain't going to stop me from bitching anyway. Especially when it comes to my "favorite" cliche: Vampires.
I bought this book for one reason only (well, several kinda rolled into one) - Old West + Vampires + Werewolves. The author came highly praised, the premise sounded interesting...
And her friggin vampires are so entirely the same old damn thing. I was severely disappointed. I mean this one comment goes "turned the vampire genre upside down and inside out"
...but all she did was put them in the Wild West. And I'll give her mad props for the West. She did that very, very well. But her vampires didn't impress me at all. Nor did her werewolves, really, though they were sort of interesting. But every hero was Angsty! Sad! Alone! and though I have to go double check I'm pretty sure most of them lost not only their parents Tragically! but also their wife *and* newborn or recently born child. Except the very beginning of the first story, which was the only thing I really liked about it. Otherwise the vampire story was Resident Evil -suburbia -disease o'doom + old west +vampire hero instead of halfvampire hero.
Plus, the whole visual theme of the book is a card game...and there's not a single game of any significance or length in the entire damn book.
Oh! But the one story did have something to do with Frankenstein, but that's only cool to me b/c I'm such a fangirl, if such a thing is possible for that book. Otherwise, meh. The story wasn't all that hot. Just yay, another poor guy who lost his family and now wants revenge but is sekkretly being manipulated by others and only gets a bittersweet end like every other horror story on the face of the planet.
The one thing that *really* annoyed me was the way the gunnman was saved - by a random girl who told him to stop because she would be sad. And then suddenly they were in love. OSC much? I would have preferred a little struggle *there* instead of all the crap that came later and made the story boring. What chick is ever really that naive and sweet and So Perfect for the LonelySadMisunderstood Hero? My slash prefs aside, it would have been more interesting to see a guy save the gun man from suicide(and these are wholly my own characters, such as they are):
"What the hell are you doing?"
Russ glared at the man who had opened his door - clearly a worker intent on cleaning out a room he'd thought was empty. "What's it look like?"
"Like you're a fucking moron."
"Thanks for the encouragement, I'll just get on with it."
"Let me guess." the young man snorted. "You think you're doing someone a favor?"
"That's the general idea."
"What about me? I'll have to clean your goddamn brains up. And what about the girls? They'll run screaming, never mind the customers who'll leave and not come back because some fool gunnan decided to kill the atmosphere with his stupidty. No one'll rent this room if you ruin it, and that'll be bad for business. Stay the fuck alive or go do it outta town limits."
Russ was half tempted to shoot the smartass - *that* would probably do the world a favor. "Get out."
"Should I fetch the mop and bucket to clean up your brains?" the young man asked tartly.
"How about a fresh bottle of whiskey to drown you out?" Russ snapped.
"Just so long as I ain't got a mess to clean up..."
"Yeah, yeah. Get my damn whiskey."
~~~~
Jeezus I need something to do. I'd forgotten how goddamn boring this shift was >_< Yes, I know I should be writing my stories. But gueess who forgot to send them to herself to work on them at work?
ARGH.
That ain't going to stop me from bitching anyway. Especially when it comes to my "favorite" cliche: Vampires.
I bought this book for one reason only (well, several kinda rolled into one) - Old West + Vampires + Werewolves. The author came highly praised, the premise sounded interesting...
And her friggin vampires are so entirely the same old damn thing. I was severely disappointed. I mean this one comment goes "turned the vampire genre upside down and inside out"
...but all she did was put them in the Wild West. And I'll give her mad props for the West. She did that very, very well. But her vampires didn't impress me at all. Nor did her werewolves, really, though they were sort of interesting. But every hero was Angsty! Sad! Alone! and though I have to go double check I'm pretty sure most of them lost not only their parents Tragically! but also their wife *and* newborn or recently born child. Except the very beginning of the first story, which was the only thing I really liked about it. Otherwise the vampire story was Resident Evil -suburbia -disease o'doom + old west +vampire hero instead of halfvampire hero.
Plus, the whole visual theme of the book is a card game...and there's not a single game of any significance or length in the entire damn book.
Oh! But the one story did have something to do with Frankenstein, but that's only cool to me b/c I'm such a fangirl, if such a thing is possible for that book. Otherwise, meh. The story wasn't all that hot. Just yay, another poor guy who lost his family and now wants revenge but is sekkretly being manipulated by others and only gets a bittersweet end like every other horror story on the face of the planet.
The one thing that *really* annoyed me was the way the gunnman was saved - by a random girl who told him to stop because she would be sad. And then suddenly they were in love. OSC much? I would have preferred a little struggle *there* instead of all the crap that came later and made the story boring. What chick is ever really that naive and sweet and So Perfect for the LonelySadMisunderstood Hero? My slash prefs aside, it would have been more interesting to see a guy save the gun man from suicide(and these are wholly my own characters, such as they are):
"What the hell are you doing?"
Russ glared at the man who had opened his door - clearly a worker intent on cleaning out a room he'd thought was empty. "What's it look like?"
"Like you're a fucking moron."
"Thanks for the encouragement, I'll just get on with it."
"Let me guess." the young man snorted. "You think you're doing someone a favor?"
"That's the general idea."
"What about me? I'll have to clean your goddamn brains up. And what about the girls? They'll run screaming, never mind the customers who'll leave and not come back because some fool gunnan decided to kill the atmosphere with his stupidty. No one'll rent this room if you ruin it, and that'll be bad for business. Stay the fuck alive or go do it outta town limits."
Russ was half tempted to shoot the smartass - *that* would probably do the world a favor. "Get out."
"Should I fetch the mop and bucket to clean up your brains?" the young man asked tartly.
"How about a fresh bottle of whiskey to drown you out?" Russ snapped.
"Just so long as I ain't got a mess to clean up..."
"Yeah, yeah. Get my damn whiskey."
~~~~
Jeezus I need something to do. I'd forgotten how goddamn boring this shift was >_< Yes, I know I should be writing my stories. But gueess who forgot to send them to herself to work on them at work?
ARGH.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 11:30 pm (UTC)Don't you dare.
Actually, if I unlock something would you mind taking a look at it for me? I thought it was so great but now I'm thinking it's just awful and I would like someone to hopefully keep me from despair. You'll have to scroll back a bit, I posted it early this morning.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 11:49 pm (UTC)How long/short is it? I can try. *pat*
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Date: 2005-05-25 11:53 pm (UTC)No, no. At your leisure. I never mean RIGHT NOW DO IT NOW.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 12:01 am (UTC)Done. I liked it, and I love the idea of that kind of legend/reality, where the duty is passed on just like that. <3 <3 *wubs*
no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 11:52 pm (UTC)Like it's even possible you would suck. I'm so giddy about that picture of yours, I'm dying to see the rest. You'd laugh at this book too, if you saw it.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 11:56 pm (UTC)I swear I'm not trying to get a story out of this. Possibly with that exact exchange between the two guys you wrote. I'm not prodding at all.
*hides cattle prod*
I swear! ^_^
no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 12:58 am (UTC)*laughs* I've got enough on my plate, you. This bunny is going in its shoebox 'til further notice.
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Date: 2005-05-26 12:02 am (UTC)And you're right about the vamps. I love a good vampire novel myself, but not Anne Rice knock-offs right and left.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 12:56 am (UTC)Heh, thanks.
And yeah, it's the rigid adherence to Stoker and/or Rice that drives me batty. Where's the creativity? Actually, I'll give this author one point - her vamps thought sex was utterly disgusting and stupid. They were squicked by the idea of having to fuck to make offspring. That amused me.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 01:13 am (UTC)Why don't you tell us how you really feel
Date: 2005-05-26 12:15 am (UTC)Not that I can't agree, but it's not really a genre I subscribe to, so I can't appreciate it and rant the same way. On the other hand, if it produces cute little blurbs like that, who are we to keep you from getting all pissy and offended. ^_^
Re: Why don't you tell us how you really feel
Date: 2005-05-26 12:49 am (UTC)Given my rabid dislike of 98% of the vampire world, you'd think I'd just stop trying to read the stories. But I can never resist "one more try" I don't know what it is. It's like I get a thrill out of annoying myself or something.
Re: Why don't you tell us how you really feel
Date: 2005-05-26 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-13 07:11 am (UTC)“OhmigodDon’tLookNowButTheCutestGuyInTheWorldHasWalkedInAndHe’sComingThisWay.” Maria grabbed Mike by the elbow and yanked him down, a move he tolerated with much abused dignity since he’d had much practice with that move since he’d known her for all the eighteen months that worked together.
And the three days two hundred and seventy eight centuries ago when they had been forced in close quarters due to persistent cannibalistic natives. One of the other vampires with them had suggested that it was perfectly possible for their flesh to make the humans sick but when they had suggest that he test his theory firsthand, he had rapidly backpedaled and stayed with them in the tiny, dirty hole.
Mike was proud to say that he came by his lack of concern about cleanliness honestly. His grounding principle was that survival was always of greater priority than cleanliness.
Unfortunately, he had also acquired his habit of moving immediately with the slightest touch on his elbow honestly from that particular incident. He deliberately removed his elbow from the clutching fingers of his co-worker and attempted to shush her.
“That’s because,” he explained very patiently to his babbling coworker, “He wants to pay for the beer he has in his hand.”
“But… but…”
“And,” he continued gently as he drew the slight Hispanic female up beside him, “We are at the counter so he has to head here.”
“But… but…”
“AND,” he added with greater emphasis. “We are manning the counter he is heading towards so stand up, smile, take his cash and give him change.”
“But… but… I CAN’T!” She wailed and ducked down behind the counter top again. Slapping his palm to his forehead, Mike ducked down behind the counter again after he noted that said cute hottie had paused by the condom section and was eyeing the selection consideringly.
“Maria,” he whispered urgently, “You have to get over this! It’s been two hundred and seventy eight years already…”
no subject
Date: 2005-06-13 12:22 pm (UTC)LMAO. That is awesome. This a vamp story I'd read.