ARGH FUCK IT
Jun. 30th, 2007 12:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maderrI cannot recreate this scene. Fuck it. =_=
I give up. I so give up. I'm sitting here crying because this story is well and truly gone. I don't hear their voices anymore and I wish to god there was someone to cheer me up but there isn't, because whenever I'm less than happy all I get is ignored.
Going to get stuff to make cupcakes and then try to work on something else, since BM has apparently given up on me.
Oh my good lord *sniffle* you gusy don't need to send me gifts. I'm just LJ to vent.
Honestly. you're all nicer than I ever deserve. It's like I told Kitty - I think I"m redirecting my unhappiness. There's shit I don't talk about here that gets to me badly and since I can't fix it I'm taking it out on my stories.
Love you guys bunches.
I give up. I so give up. I'm sitting here crying because this story is well and truly gone. I don't hear their voices anymore and I wish to god there was someone to cheer me up but there isn't, because whenever I'm less than happy all I get is ignored.
Going to get stuff to make cupcakes and then try to work on something else, since BM has apparently given up on me.
Oh my good lord *sniffle* you gusy don't need to send me gifts. I'm just LJ to vent.
Honestly. you're all nicer than I ever deserve. It's like I told Kitty - I think I"m redirecting my unhappiness. There's shit I don't talk about here that gets to me badly and since I can't fix it I'm taking it out on my stories.
Love you guys bunches.
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Date: 2007-06-30 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2007-06-30 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 05:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 05:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 05:11 pm (UTC)For Meggie
Date: 2007-06-30 05:18 pm (UTC)Barney was used to being called ugly. For a half-troll, it was inevitable.
Humans thought his green skin was weird, and the bumpy dusting of rocks across his cheekbones wouldn’t win him a beauty contest anytime soon. Trolls thought he was a freak because he was small, humanoid, and non-violent. Other monsters looked down on him because he was a Halfie.
Barney hadn’t had a date in twelve years. He had two houseplants, bingo at the community center every Wednesday, and three cats. If the first two didn’t sound the dating death-knell, the third did. A half-troll with three cats and a shy disposition spent Friday nights alone.
This was why Barney was very surprised by the man in his office.
“I’m sorry?” Barney said, looking up from his mountain of paperwork. His bosses were on another Transylvanian vacation and orphanages didn’t run themselves. With Mr Fenix and Mr Dracula away, the running fell to him.
“You are adorably delicious!” the man repeated, his eyes sparkling with good humor. “I was expecting a dry, old pencil-pusher when they directed me to your office, but you are simply edible!”
The tips of Barney’s pointed ears reddened in embarrassment. “Are you talking to me?” He resisted the urge to look behind him. He was fairly sure no one else was in the room.
“Who else would I be talking to? You’re the only tasty thing I see.” The man flashed a sharp-toothed grin and flung himself artfully onto the leather chair across the desk from Barney.
Barney coughed and ducked his head. “Really, sir, if you’re here for business then there’s no need for flattery. I don’t think I caught your name, Mr - ?”
“I didn’t throw it,” the man laughed. “But if you insist, handsome. I’m Mortimer Black, an interested businessman. Now, a trade is only fair – my name for yours.” He winked at Barney.
“Barnabus Smeck,” Barney said, straightening his shoulders. “And I must really ask you to come to the point of your visit.”
“Smeck?” Mr Black said, ignoring him. He tilted his head and tapped one finger against his chin. “That’s a bit of an odd name. I don’t think I’ve done business with anyone named Smeck, and believe me, I tend to do business with everyone eventually.”
“It’s an old and respected Trollish name,” Barney said, bristling in his chair. His right arm twitched with the urge to reach for a club. If only he were ten feet taller and built like a boulder.
Mr Black’s eyebrows rose. “I was wondering what the other half was. Troll – that’s quite unusual. Trolls usually don’t outerbreed. Considering their size that’s usually because it’s impossible.”
“My mother was the troll. I assure you those logistics make it much more possible, being as I am proof sitting here before you. My parents are also happily married, retired, and living in the Bermuda Triangle. Now if I have answered your extremely personal questions satisfactorily – “
“Yes, indeed. You’re indignance is endearing. As I said, you are positively lickable.”
“You said I was edible.”
“Oh, that too. I could just sink my teeth into you.”
Re: For Meggie
Date: 2007-06-30 05:21 pm (UTC)“Is Gregori around?” Mr Black asked. “I was hoping to speak with him, and he wasn’t in his office. The front desk sent me here.”
“I’m afraid Mr Dracula is away for business for the next two weeks. While he and Mr Fenix are absent I’m acting as interim director. I wasn’t aware you had an appointment with Mr Dracula.”
“I don’t,” Mr Black said. “I thought I’d drop by and see if he had some time to spare. I’ve known Gregori for a long time; he used to be one of my best clients. It’s a shame he’s no longer active in his profession.”
“Oh?” Barney said, relaxing his shoulders. “I’m afraid he’s not spoken about you to me.”
“He probably wouldn’t have. We had an interesting working relationship. He was a – supplier, you might say,” Mr Black said, flashing another grin; each tooth was brilliantly white and came to a sharp point. Barney couldn’t imagine any dentist looked forward to Mr Black’s regular visits. Mr Black’s teeth put many vampires to shame, even considering Mr Dracula on one of his bad days. Unlike vampires, whose teeth relied on quality, Mr Black’s teeth relied on quantity.
“Anyway, it appears I will have to speak to Gregori about keeping such delightful creatures as you all to himself,” Mr Black said.
Barney wasn’t sure how to respond, so he settled for adopting the no-nonsense business expression Mr Fenix had taught him. “Barney,” he remembered Mr Fenix once saying, “You’re the least intimidating troll I’ve ever met. Greg despairs of making you a proper monster. I don’t give up so easily, but you’ve gotta at least learn to scowl, for fire’s sake!”
Barney sighed to himself. He was still terrible at scowling.
“What can I help you with?” Barney asked, clearing his throat and placing his hands flat on the desk.
“Oh, I can think of a number of things,” Mr Black said, licking his lips. His features were suddenly sharp and foxlike. “Unfortunately none of which you are likely to agree to – yet.”
Barney resisted the urge to adjust his tie again. “Sir,” he said. “Really, I am quite busy so if you would please get to the purpose of your visit – “
“Of course, beautiful,” Mr Black said. “And please, call me Mort. I’d love to see my name rolling off your lips. We can work on you screaming it later.”
Just like that, Barney felt his face ignite in a fiery inferno of mortification. No one talked to him like they – they – wanted him! He was a scrawny half-troll with a nose that looked like it had been broken more than once, watery blue eyes, and a round, uninteresting face.
“I beg your pardon!” Barney said.
“Mm, begging,” Mr Black said. “That can come later too.” He leered and leaned across the desk, resting an elbow casually on the polished surface.
Barney felt a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck. He was terrible at situations like this.
“Sir –“ Barney began.
Mr Black raised an eyebrow.
“Mort,” Barney corrected. The name felt awkward and heavy on his tongue. “I will ask you once more to come to your purpose or I will have to ask the security ghouls to escort you from the building.”
Re: For Meggie
Date: 2007-06-30 05:27 pm (UTC)“I am in a position,” said Mr Black, crossing one leg casually, “Where my work brings me into contact with numerous unfortunate children, often newly orphaned. I recently heard of the efforts being made here to find a place for orphaned monster children and halflings. I thought I would inquire to discover if I might begin bringing those children here to the orphanage straight away instead of leaving them alone to fend for themselves until proper help arrives.”
“Newly orphaned?” Barney said, dread curling in his stomach. He couldn’t think of many jobs that might require one to meet numerous newly orphaned children, unless the job in question somehow made the children newly orphaned. Mr Black’s teeth looked awfully sharp.
“Yes,” Mr Black said, looking uncomfortable for the first time. “It’s a rather taxing work environment if you must know. Lots of casualties. In fact, nothing but casualties.”
“I see,” Barney said, his hopes plummeting. The first attractive, violet-eyed monster to hit on him in ever, and he would have to be a crazy, murdering fiend with a soft spot for orphans.
Mr Black tilted his head and stared at Barney.
“Oh dear,” Mr Black said. “I’ve misread the entire situation, haven’t I?”
“I – what?” Barney said.
Mr Black shook his head. “You aren’t intimidated by what I am, and you aren’t playing hard to get. You are adorably in the dark and inexperienced.”
“Sir, I have no idea what you are talking – “
“Even better,” Mr Black sighed. “I can tell you’re sweet and wholesome. That’s a rare treat for me.”
Barney had a horrible suspicion that he was about to be either eaten or propositioned. Or possibly both.
“I have to warn you,” Barney said, his hands trembling as he reached for a letter opener lying on the corner of the desk. “I can and will defend myself if you attempt to attack.”
“Attack?” Mr Black said. He sounded genuinely confused. “Just what do you think I am, lovely?”
“You’re. . . you’re a vampire?” Barney said, suddenly unsure. “Unless your teeth are ornamental. In which case, I consider that in poor taste or psychotic.”
Mr Black began laughing. “Heavens no!” he said, clutching at his sides. “A vampire! You are charming. I’m not going to regret seducing you.”
“I’m sorry?!” Barney squeaked, edging his chair back from the desk in case he needed to make a quick getaway. He still had the letter opener clutched tightly in his right hand.
“Regrettably, the teeth aren’t as useful as they were in the old days, when clients were a littler less savory.” Mr Black opened the front of his black trenchcoat and fished around an inside pocket.
“Here’s my card,” Mr Black said, removing a cheerful yellow square of paper and handing it to Barney across the desk.
Mortimer Black
Not-So-Grim Reaper
"Cheerful soul collection services or your money back!*
Dial 1-800-NOTGRM for more information on how you can ascend comfortably and quickly to the afterlife today!"**
*But not your soul
**Some restrictions apply.
“A Grim Reaper?” Barney said weakly, putting down the card. He looked longingly at the brandy decanter sitting on the end table by the door.
“No, no, not grim! We don’t go in for the hooded, menacing look anymore, just cheerful guidance to the other side. We even offer painless scything for a nominal extra fee.” Mr Black smiled. “I’ve won the Regional Reaping award five years running,” he said proudly.
“How wonderful for you,” Barney said.
“Now that we’ve established that I am not a blood-sucking fiend, will you sleep with me?” Mr Black asked.
“What?” Barney exclaimed, nearly jumping from his chair.
“I said, may I bring any orphans I find here?” Mr Black said. “I’m sure that’s what I said. Why, what did you hear?” he asked slyly.
----
Uhm, that's all I have right now. XD
CHEERZ UP MEG0RZ!!!!11 KEKEKE
Re: For Meggie
Date: 2007-06-30 05:30 pm (UTC)*dies laughing*
You winz0r.
Re: For Meggie
Date: 2007-06-30 05:37 pm (UTC)In any other situation, this would not be a good thing.
Re: For Meggie
Date: 2007-07-01 04:10 am (UTC)Big purple dinosaurNeeds a hug and a good lay. Together? they will rule the world.Re: For Meggie
Date: 2007-07-01 06:35 am (UTC)Re: For Meggie
Date: 2007-06-30 05:28 pm (UTC)OMFG. I love you. This verse has got to be an absolute favorite of mine ^______^ Hee hee, poor Barney. I like Mort, he's got definite style. And apparently lots and lots of sharp teeth.
Thank you, Goblin <3
no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 05:59 pm (UTC)Big *HUG*!
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Date: 2007-06-30 06:20 pm (UTC)Help Wanted:
Wizard looking for rock dragon (pref. w/ Owner). Temp. job, several weeks. Payment negotiable. Call 236-822354-324.
‘What’s this?’ Craig said, blinking as Shale suddenly shoved the piece of paper under his nose. Torn out of a local newspaper – one he’d thrown out earlier as offering nothing of interest. ‘Shale, it’s too early in the morning. I need coffee, first.’
Shale grinned smugly and his eyes darted to the side. Belatedly, Craig realised he could smell coffee, and sat up more; Shale had come bouncing up to him before he’d even well and truly opened his eyes. The coffee was sitting beside him on the bed, to go, with a lid that Craig impatiently tore off. When the first sip already did wonders, he looked back to Shale, still holding the newspaper add. ‘Thanks,’ Craig said, yawning a little, and Shale’s smug look deepened even further. ‘Now, what’s this?’
‘I found it,’ Shale said, his deep voice rumbling a little higher than normal with being excited. ‘You missed it.’
‘I missed it?’ He’d read every last bit of those newspapers, he didn’t think he’d missed anything. Then again, it had been late and he had been tired.
‘Yes! Look.’ Shale held out the paper to him, urging him to take it. The moment the paper left the dragon’s hands, the ad blurred and changed into something far less conspicuous – toiletry products or whatever. ‘See?’
‘Okay,’ Craig said, giving the ad back to Shale, who examined it thoroughly with shining eyes. ‘It’s magicked so that normals can’t see it.’
‘Yes. Call the number?’
Craig blinked again, taking another big sip of his coffee – too hot, but he needed to be awake, now, and he’d worry about his tongue later.
‘You’re not suggesting we should do it?’ he said. ‘Shale, who knows what a wizard wants with you? Well, something magical, probably. No. It’s a bad idea.’
Shale’s grin fell and his gaze dropped. He clawed at the bedsheets nervously, then looked up again with pleading eyes. ‘You said we needed a job,’ he said sadly.
‘I said I needed a job,’ Craig said. ‘For all we know this wizard wants to Pit you!’
‘Maybe not,’ Shale pointed out. ‘And he can’t make us!’
‘A wizard probably might,’ Craig shook his head. ‘It’s too dangerous.’ Even if it would support them for a few weeks, whereas all the other temporary jobs Craig had done so far (and was looking for) offered nothing more than a few days and they’d be out in the cold again. But magic and dragons… they just did not mix.
And in the meantime Shale was still looking like a lost puppy – a lost puppy with an Owner but no real purpose aside from that.
‘Shale,’ he said again, plucking the ad out of his dragon’s hand and pulling him closer. ‘You did right, showing me the ad. But we can’t take the risk. We’ll just have to keep looking, huh?’
‘Okay,’ Shale murmured, pushing Craig on his back and taking a few hungry kisses. ‘Can I come with you today?’
‘Better not,’ Craig shook his head even as Shale’s hands slipped down his bare chest, tickling over the scars he’d left when he’d claimed Craig. ‘I’m going to the… ah… normal part of town. You’d stick out like a sore thumb there.’
‘Sorry,’ Shale rumbled and Craig pulled his head up from where he was gnawing at Craig’s shoulder.
‘No. You are magnificent, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,’ he said. ‘Normals just don’t know what they’re missing.’
‘Mm,’ Shale purred, pleased. ‘Good, good Craig.’
‘Good Shale,’ Craig breathed back and didn’t protest when his dragon pulled down his sleeping pants.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-30 06:25 pm (UTC)Ooh, that works ^___^ Neat! curious, curious, I cannot wait to see what goes down.
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Date: 2007-06-30 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-01 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2007-07-01 01:32 am (UTC)